About these ads

The Dark Knight (movie review)

The question isn’t really regarding the quality of The Dark Knight but instead, by examining its parts, deciding on its place in history. Is it the best action movie ever? Let’s dig in to the most bountiful Batman movie we’re ever likely to get. Read the rest of this entry

The Iron Giant (quick movie review)

This is one of those movies that everybody loved but nobody went to see in the theater. The Iron Giant is the feature film directorial debut of Brad Bird (Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, The Incredibles - both great movies you should see, by the way) based on the book The Iron Man by Ted Hughes. The movie has stunning visuals, fluid animation, tons of laughs, an excellent story… everything is great and I will hear nothing negative about this film. Voice actors include Eli Marienthal (yeah, I don’t know who he is either, although I did sit through Mystery of the Batwoman, which was… OK, I guess…), Jennifer Aniston, Harry Connick, Jr., Vin Diesel (who has very little dialogue, but does a fine job at pushing humanity through the voice effects), Christopher McDonald and John Mahoney. The screenplay is witty and tight – I believe this is the sort of movie that actually has something for everyone: heart, comedy, action, drama… you name it.

Stop reading this and go watch The Iron Giant!

Every time I log in to Facebook, I think of Demetri Martin

Every time I log in to Facebook, most of the posts make me think of that graph Demetri Martin showed on his now defunct Comedy Central show.

Anyway, wasn’t Important Things with Demetri Martin an awesome show? No idea why it didn’t get picked up for a third season… Well, it probably didn’t make money. What other reason could there be? That show was awesome!

Something's bugging me… (spoiler alert, it's an amazing spider, man!)

This spider has set up residence in the garage above the garbage cans. It’s probably a good spot for him… cycle of life, I guess. He’s welcome to stay there and do spider things until he gets too crazy with the web – then I’m bringing that knucklehead outside to be an amazing spider in the bushes.

North Jersey Media is going to the clowns

Yesterday, an old post of ours was doing an unusual amount of traffic. That post happened to be Six Flags Great Adventure Skyway cable car photos and the only reason I could think of was that perhaps they were in the news for some reason, so I checked both NJ.com and NorthJersey.com. Neither site answered my question, but both sites underwhelmed me with their headlines – especially NorthJersey.com. Send in the clowns… Read the rest of this entry

Thoughts on Game of Thrones, episode 6, season 2

Replace “Hess Truck” with “boobs” and you’re good to go.

Episode 6 of Season 2 brings you the most story centric boobs in an episode of Game of Thrones that I can recall. And they’re not gratuitous! It’s truly incredible! Read the rest of this entry

Baffling Movie Trailers: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, Mad Max: Fury Road, Tusk

Today on Baffling Movie Trailers: it’s the first teaser for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, Mad Max: Fury Road, and Kevin Smith’s new jam, Tusk. Let the snarking begin!

So… what does that guy think Katniss is doing there, dressed in a field uniform and armed with weapons? Does he think she’s there to give hair cuts? Maybe teach an archery class? And I guess the final chapter in all series has to be split into two movies now? I thought you were better than that, Hunger Games. Also… I’m kinda thinking there’s not gonna be a Hunger Games in The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 so… there’s that.
Read the rest of this entry

Thoughts on Game of Thrones, episode 5, season 2

No boobs? There’s no boobs in Game of Thrones, episode 5, season 2? Surely it cannot be so? But… correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this episode was boob free! Wonders will never cease! This is probably the best episode so far! Read the rest of this entry

My 5 Tips for Losing Weight (that may or may not work for you!)

Now that I’ve lost somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds, I’m coming down from the mountain top to share with you (yes, you!) the secrets of my success. Will they work for you? I have no idea. Are these the reasons I’m losing weight? Again, no clue. But here’s what I’m doing. Read the rest of this entry

Her (movie review)

We finally got around to seeing Best Picture Nominee Her and shockingly enough, I have a lot to say about the flick. The core of Spike Jonze, Scarlett Johansson and Joaquin Phoenix are favorites of mine, so I’ll do my best to adjust my expectations accordingly. Read the rest of this entry

Doc’s Draft House Pear Hard Apple Cider and American Fruits Bourbon Barrel Aged 12 Months Apple Liqueur (quick booze roundup)

“I’m drunk!”

It’s all Warwick Valley Winery & Distillery all the time (of Warwick, New York) – over the last few days, we’ve chugged down Doc’s Draft House Pear Hard Apple Cider and American Fruits Bourbon Barrel Aged 12 Months Apple Liqueur. The opinions have been recorded, so we’re ready to talk some booze! Read the rest of this entry

Superman Unbound (quick movie review)

I can’t help but compare Superman Unbound to its vastly superior counterpart, Superman/Batman: Apocalypse. The plot of the two movies are so similar that I feel Superman Unbound doesn’t really need to exist. At the very least, we didn’t need these two movies just three or so years apart. Granted, Superman/Batman: Apocalypse has a lot more going on, but you can’t escape the fact that Superman Unbound follows the recent trend of boring DC Animated Universe movies, including Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox and Justice League: War. Read the rest of this entry

14 Classic Episodes from The Simpsons, season 5 (and 8 memorable ones!)

“Baby on board, something something, Burt Ward!”

I think it might be fair to say that the fifth season of The Simpsons is one of my favorites… Given that I’ve given 14 episodes “classic” status and 8 are at least “memorable” – meaning that none of them terrible and therefore forgettable. If you like coincidences and numbers, you may enjoy noting that my season 5 numbers are an exact reverse of my season 4 numbers in terms of “classic” and “memorable” Simpsons episodes. Anyway, here’s the list: Read the rest of this entry

Coca Cola is officially out of advertising ideas (truth in #advertising – #shareacoke)

Singing. Polar Bears. Celebrities. Coca Cola has literally tried it all when it comes to getting you to buy their products. Heck, they’ve even co opted Santa.

Now, they’ve co opted your name.

Yes, Coca Cola’s #shareacoke campaign is banking on the idea that you will buy a product simply because your name, or that of someone you know, is on a bottle of soda. But they’re hoping for more than that – by modifying their labels, they’re sacrificing their precious branding. They’re hoping that their current customers don’t walk past their soda on store shelves, mistaking it for a different brand. They’ve pinned the success of this campaign on the chance that we, the consumer, will recognize their color scheme and font choice. It’s as bold as it is absurd. (Oh, and I guess they’re hoping we go on social media and post things like "I #shareacoke with @creativejamieDC! Because GRAMMAR!"

On the other hand, the campaign got my attention, so maybe they’re doing something right… but of course, I didn’t buy a soda, so I guess the point is moot.

Something's bugging me… (spoiler alert, it's a moth)

I know there’s nothing in the photo for scale, but trust me when I tell you that this moth is at least two inches long. Seriously, On the real, For Real – whatever you prefer. It’s a really big moth. I first noticed the moth when the beating of his wings started knocking things over in the kitchen. The damn house shook when he landed on the wall.

So I’m saying the moth is big.

Disney subtly suggests that Fur is Murder in 101 Dalmatians

In my lifetime, Disney has been very “be a pirate even though they’re the bad guys” and “sell your soul for a man, little girls!” but in the past, Disney sung songs in my tune.

101 Dalmatians has a super subtle message regarding the fur industry. It’s subtle, right? And it was only 1961, too! Disney was so progressive back then… Now all we get is a rehashing of Hamlet over and over again. Well, probably only the two times, but I’m sure you see my point. Disney isn’t exactly out there tackling income equality, but I suppose they deserve credit for distributing Wall-E.

Gambit (quick movie review)

How the hell did somebody screw up a movie starring Colin Firth, Stanley Tucci and Alan Rickman and featuring a Cohen Brothers screenplay? OK, Cameron Diaz’s atrocious southern accent isn’t helping, but it’s not the reason Gambit is terrible. Seriously, it’s in so bad it’s good/worst movies ever territory – I’m going to have to give it more thought to see if it gets anointed to such status. It’s that bad.

The pacing and story is shockingly loathsome! Colin Firth and Cameron Diaz insanely miscast! It’s a comedy/face that forgets to include actual comedy and farce! The one farcel scene is completely out of place (and suffers from some of the worst timing ever in a movie) in a by the numbers comedy that desperately wants to be an outside of the box/cutting edge caper movie!

This movie couldn’t be more awkward is Gambit from the X-Men made a cameo! These people thought they were making the farce version of Oceans Eleven, which may well be the worst idea for a movie EVER! Even people who think Colin Firth poops platinum will hate this movie.

Its. That. BAD!

Anyway, I didn’t like it and I don’t recommend that anyone else ever watches Gambit ever for the rest of human history.

Dirty Harry (quick movie review)

You probably don’t need me to tell you this, but in case you’re not familiar with Clint Eastwood as San Francisco detective Harry Callahan in the Dirty Harry movies… well, the first one is the best of the series, but it’s just a great movie unto itself. The pace is a bit slow, but the directing and camera work keep you engaged and somehow, all these years later the period soundtrack doesn’t stick out. At times, the look can be a bit dark, maybe even hard to see, but you’re so enraptured by this point in the flick, you’ll just peer all the harder at the screen. Dirty Harry is a crime drama classic that everyone should see; it’s one of those movies I watch over again every few years, like reminiscing over the past with an old friend.

Check it out – Dirty Harry is perfection!

Cinema Sins is not film criticism (and I mean that in the nicest possible way)

The Cinema Sins YouTube channel has over two and half million subscribers, of which I myself can be counted as a member. Over the years, I’ve seen people chatting/tweeting/blogging about Cinema Sins (CinemaSins? One word? I have no idea.) and it’s influence on Film Criticism. I’m aware of at least two articles on the topic, both specifically stating that their brand of criticism is ‘the very worst’ and things to that effect. (Here’s one from 2013 and another one from this year.) As a prolific (though incomplete) watcher of these videos, I can tell you for certain that Cinema Sins is not film criticism. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Read the rest of this entry

New Ninja Turtles action figures makes the horror hit home

We’ve all seen the trailer, we’ve all felt sad, but it wasn’t really until I saw the action figures in the store that it felt real to me: Ninja Turtles is probably going to be an awful movie. Just look at what the did to Michelangelo! Just LOOK! They’ve bastardized my beloved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! He’s got pants and a sweater and… bling?!? I just… I don’t see this working.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 468 other followers

%d bloggers like this: