Blog Archives

Bristol Palin, celibacy advocate, dances to ‘Mama Told Me (Not to Come)’

I’ve never been one to follow the doings of celebrities, and I shouldn’t start – when I see things like Snoop Dogg’s hot dog endorsement or Steven Tyler judging American Idol, I just get aggravated.  In an effort to reiterate this point to myself, I bring you this post.

bristol palin

Someday, your kid is going to see this picture. Just FYI.

Yep, Bristol Palin, celibacy advocate and daughter of former Governor of Alaska and Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin (not to mention the First Dude) will be on ABC’s latest attempt to push me into an early grave, Dancing With the Stars.  She’ll be partnered with Mark Ballas (who the hell is that?  doesn’t at least one of the dance partners have to be a star?  Bristol – a guest spot on The Secret Life of the American Teenager does not make you a star – just FYI), and they’ll be dancing to ‘Mama Told Me (Not to Come)’ – seriously.

First off, I just want to remind the universe that I said Sarah Palin should get a TV show, not Bristol.

Being a teen mom and being a celibacy advocate is kind of like…  well, there isn’t really a good simile or analogy for that, it’s just being an asshole, as far as I’m concerned.  I have no idea what she tells the teens on those speaking engagements (if you’ve got $14,000 lying around to listen to a teenage mom with a high school education lecture about celibacy, you can find out first hand), so here’s a few guesses:

  1. Get pregnant, and you’ll get to be on popular (but crappy) TV shows
  2. Get pregnant and you’ll get to go to a music school in New York City, unchaperoned
  3. Getting pregnant will not enhance you’re acting ability

You’ll be on TV?  What teenage girl wants all that attention?  And it won’t make you a better actor?  Well, there had to be a negative in there somewhere.

If being confused by one of the earth’s least interesting people isn’t enough, I can now add consternation.  Is she now spreading her message of celibacy through dance?  And she picked “Mama told me not to come” by Three Dog Night?  It’s a bad joke and an awful pun.  That ain’t the way to have fun, Bristol.  That ain’t the way to have fun.

I have to speculate that when Sarah heard about this, she sent Bristol an email:

TO:  Palin, Bristol

SUBJECT:  Dancing with the Stars

Dear Bristol,

Fuck you.



Sorry, I didn’t realize there was already glorious video.  Bristol looks as uncomfortable performing it as I am watching it.

%d bloggers like this: