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reviews rating system

UPDATE:  2013

I have now switched to a 0-10 scale for scoring movies.  I don’t know why I keep switching… but I do keep switching.  Sorry about that!

UPDATE:  4/4/2012

I have now switched to a 0-100% scale for scoring movies.  Think of it as a grade on a test:

90-100 = A
80-89 = B
70-79 = C
60-69 = D
0-59 = F – an exact number under 59 just illustrates how spectacular the failure was.

OLD SYSTEM:

While I won’t give every book, comic book, movie review or music review a score, I will, at times, break out the old Reviews Rating System.  It’s a 1 through 5 system, 1 being the worst, 5 being the best and may your respective Deity help us if I have to issue someone a zero.  If you’re worried about spoilers or just don’t want to read the review, scroll through the post quickly and you’ll see the score, big as life.

example:

My Rating:  2.5 out of 5

I will try to stick to whole numbers, but I’m not making any promises. Check out the reviews rating system in action at my Rambo post.

  • 1 = incomprehensible:  like sitting in traffic, going to the dentist or watching Hulk Hogan in Suburban Commando… or Thunder in Paradise.  I get chills just thinking about it…
  • 2 = bad:  the plot feels like something out of the Twilight series
    “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…” he murmured.
    I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.
    “What a stupid lamb,” I sighed.
    “What a sick ,masochistic lion.”
    Damn you, tweens!  “As I thrilled to the word?”  Wow.  That’s epic.  She used ‘thrill’ as a verb without an object. That’s great writing.  Just.  Fucking.  Great.  Twilight.
  • 3 = average:  it wasn’t great, but it had a beginning, middle and end.
  • 4 = good:  better than most, but no one is going to study it for hundreds of years
  • 5 = excellent:  you’d sell your grandmother’s false teeth for it

spoiler alert

What’s a spoiler alert?  Any time you see the spoiler alert image

spoiler alert

 

in one of my posts, you know I’m about to give away crucial information that could ruin the fun for you in some way.  Sometimes this is OK; you have no intention of seeing that movie, reading that book or comic book, listening to that album… what have you.  But, I do think it’s important that I point it out before I do it.

To see a spoiler alert in action, check out my review of Rambo.

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