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Snoop Dogg has the answer to all of life’s questions

snoop dogg

Not only is Snoop Dogg pretty much the coolest person to ever live, he also has the answer to all of life’s questions:  Read the rest of this entry

5 Classic Rap Albums You Must Own

I’m sure plenty of quality wrap music has been produced in the last decade or so, but I’m still stuck in the 90s.  Here are (in no particular order) 5 Classic Rap Albums You Must Own!

bacdafucup-onyx

Bacdafucup – Onyx

My personal favorite rap album of all time and one of the best produced albums you’ll ever hear, Bacdafucup is 18 tracks of awesome sauce that does not quit.  “Throw Ya Gunz,” “Slam,” “Stik ‘N’ Muve,” “Shifftee,” and “Phat (‘N’ All Dat)” are my picks, but really, there are no bad tracks on this album.  The production is so awesome on this album that it defies words – you simply have to hear it.  However, stay away from YouTube so you can avoid the PG version of “Da Nex Niguz,” which I wish someone would have talked Onyx out of.  Buy this album!

the-chronic-dr-dre

The Chronic – Dr. Dre

The Doctor is in!  “Let Me Ride,” “Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang,” “Deeez Nuuuts,” “Rat-Tat-Tat-Tat,” and the amazing skit “The $20 Sack Pyramid” are just a few of the tracks on this album that kick serious ass.  The entire album is super smooth and still fun to listen to.

doggystyle-snoop-dogg

Doggystyle – Snoop Dogg

The Yang to The Chronic’s Ying, Doggystyle is the true coming of the Dogfather.  Snoop is one of those guys who is not only talented, but blessed with an amazing voice – I’d listen to this guy read the fine print of my car insurance.  “Gin and Juice,”  “Lodi Dodi,” “”Murder Was the Case,” and “Who Am I (What’s My Name)?” are just a few of the amazing tracks on Snoop Dogg’s first album.

enter-the-wu-tang-wu-tang-clan

Enter The Wu-Tang – Wu-Tang Clan

First of all, Wu-Tang Clan is about the best name for a musical group anyone has ever come up with.  I know, I know, it’s a reference to the 1978 film The 36th Chamber of Shaolin, but it’s still great.  “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing ta Fuck Wit,” “C.R.E.A.M.,” “Method Man,” and “Shame on a Nigga” are all amazing tracks.  “C.R.E.A.M.” is practically religious doctrine for me – I will debate my stance that this is one of the most important songs of the decade all night long with anyone who agrees, just so it can be clear how great this song is – so imagine how I react if you disagree.

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Black Sunday – Cypress Hill

It might be a bit front loaded, but Black Sunday is pretty great.  “I Wanna Get High,” “I Ain’t Goin’ out Like That” and “Insane in the Brain” are all classics.  Cypress Hill avoided the sophomore slump in a big way.

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Bristol Palin, celibacy advocate, dances to ‘Mama Told Me (Not to Come)’

I’ve never been one to follow the doings of celebrities, and I shouldn’t start – when I see things like Snoop Dogg’s hot dog endorsement or Steven Tyler judging American Idol, I just get aggravated.  In an effort to reiterate this point to myself, I bring you this post.

bristol palin

Someday, your kid is going to see this picture. Just FYI.

Yep, Bristol Palin, celibacy advocate and daughter of former Governor of Alaska and Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin (not to mention the First Dude) will be on ABC’s latest attempt to push me into an early grave, Dancing With the Stars.  She’ll be partnered with Mark Ballas (who the hell is that?  doesn’t at least one of the dance partners have to be a star?  Bristol – a guest spot on The Secret Life of the American Teenager does not make you a star – just FYI), and they’ll be dancing to ‘Mama Told Me (Not to Come)’ – seriously.

First off, I just want to remind the universe that I said Sarah Palin should get a TV show, not Bristol.

Being a teen mom and being a celibacy advocate is kind of like…  well, there isn’t really a good simile or analogy for that, it’s just being an asshole, as far as I’m concerned.  I have no idea what she tells the teens on those speaking engagements (if you’ve got $14,000 lying around to listen to a teenage mom with a high school education lecture about celibacy, you can find out first hand), so here’s a few guesses:

  1. Get pregnant, and you’ll get to be on popular (but crappy) TV shows
  2. Get pregnant and you’ll get to go to a music school in New York City, unchaperoned
  3. Getting pregnant will not enhance you’re acting ability

You’ll be on TV?  What teenage girl wants all that attention?  And it won’t make you a better actor?  Well, there had to be a negative in there somewhere.

If being confused by one of the earth’s least interesting people isn’t enough, I can now add consternation.  Is she now spreading her message of celibacy through dance?  And she picked “Mama told me not to come” by Three Dog Night?  It’s a bad joke and an awful pun.  That ain’t the way to have fun, Bristol.  That ain’t the way to have fun.

I have to speculate that when Sarah heard about this, she sent Bristol an email:

TO:  Palin, Bristol

SUBJECT:  Dancing with the Stars

Dear Bristol,

Fuck you.

Love,

Mom

Sorry, I didn’t realize there was already glorious video.  Bristol looks as uncomfortable performing it as I am watching it.

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