Blog Archives

Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master movie review

New Line Cinema pumped out the Nightmare on Elm Street movies with stunning regularity during the 80s because frankly, they made money and were the financial engine behind the studio.  It’s surprising, then, that the trailer for A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master has the balls to ask you how long it’s been since you’ve been to Elm Street since the previous installment had come out just the year before.

Let that set the tone for what follows.
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Hollow Man movie review

Hollow_Man_water

“In the rain/The pavement shines like silver…”

It was the year 2000.  Some said it was the start of a new millennium.  Others argued that there was no year zero, so calendar worshippers would have to wait till next year to celebrate.  As it happens, invisible man fans will still have to wait for a good movie featuring this concept, because Hollow Man ain’t it.  Read the rest of this entry

OctoBOO is almost here!

trick or treating

“This is our formal request that you surrender your candy willingly… or we can cordially invite you to SMELL OUR FEET.”

October 1st is right around the corner, so I thought I’d get the Halloween logo up a little early.  Once the calendar gives September the bird, we’re in an all month every-day-is-Halloween party featuring scary movie reviews and what have you.  It’s going to be spooky-scary!  Read the rest of this entry

Freddy vs. Jason (movie review)

This movie has no business being any good, but Freddy vs. Jason is entertaining – at least, it’s entertaining if you grew up with these monsters. At 97 minutes, there’s no bloat to complain about, so, still to this day, FVJ remains one of the most pleasant surprises I can recall at the movies. Read the rest of this entry

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (movie review)

What. The. Hell. Happend?

How quickly can the wheels fall off a franchise? Like they say in baseball, “Your team is only as good as your next day’s starting pitcher,” and in the case of Nightmare movies, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge is the sort of dude who just throws the ball right down the middle at a pedestrian 85 miles per hour and gets annihilated in the first inning. (Baseball, October… synergy!) Read the rest of this entry

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984 movie review)

The classic A Nightmare on Elm Street, like many slasher films, was made for just $1.8 million dollars and created a franchise that scared the bejesus out of me as a little kid. Nothing is scarier than Freddy Krueger (the immortal Robert Englund, who I also remember from the original V tv series), the villain who waits to attack you until you’re at your weakest – when you’re asleep! (Spoiler, Freddy invades your dreams and kills you in your sleep. Betcha didn’t know that.) Read the rest of this entry

Aliens (movie review)

FOX wanted to get a sequel to 1979’s Alien out right away, but it didn’t happen until director/screenplay writer James Cameron got it out there in 1986. It was worth the wait! Read the rest of this entry

Alien (movie review)

Alien is, for me, both the sum of its predecessors as well as the template from which many movies have copied. I guess that’s a complicated way of saying it’s easy to see its influences as well as who the movie influenced after its release. Or, let’s just say it’s a great movie. Read the rest of this entry

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (movie review)

Besides being an entertaining film in its own right, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil is an excellent “it’s kinda like [insert movie title here]” movie, because you can insert five different movie titles in the blank. Read the rest of this entry

Some Scary Movie Reviews to get you in the mood for Halloween!

Since Halloween is on the way, I thought I’d scare up some SCARY Movie Reviews.

(That sentence is almost as scary as this list.)

Anyway, here’s some horror/thriller/slasher/etc movie reviews:   Read the rest of this entry

Attention Must Be Paid: James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd and the Bullshit Man

While James Rolfe’s career continues to bring him more opportunities the longer he persists, I still feel that he could use a shout out, and so, it’s time for Attention Must Be Paid, James Rolfe edition… or, in internet vernacular, AMBPAVGN.

While wandering around the internet, I came across a video on YouTube that delighted me:  the series was called, You Know What’s Bullshit? and the episode was called, Temperature.  This, I am sure, is one of the greatest things to ever grace the YouTube servers.

“Potatoes are assholes; they’re so unpredictable.”

Has a better sentence ever been uttered?  I think not.  Potatoes are, in fact, assholes!  (Sure, they’re not on corn‘s level, but what vegetable is?)

The Bullshit series is a work of art in itself, from part 1 to part 13.  I was stunned with the quality of the writing, camera work and most of all, the superior editing.  YouTube has so much fatty waste clogging up its mighty heart that its easy to get stuck in the muck of loathsome dreck, a sea of unedited video with awful pop music poorly mixed in the background, and the Bullshit series was a tremendous breath of fresh air; people really were putting quality video on YouTube.  Who knew?

I soon found that I had engorged on the entire “You Know What’s Bullshit?” series (I’m also a big fan of the DVD sticker and DVD collection episodes) and yearned for more.  The discovery that there was more ‘bullshit’ to be experienced beyond Temperature was a revelation in itself, but I had no idea what loomed just over the horizon.

The first episode I saw of The Angry Video Game Nerd was his review of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the Nintendo Entertainment System.  TMNT for the NES is the worst kind of video game; it gave us the opportunity to interact as our favorite genetically altered reptiles, and in the early levels, you see so much promise.  Sure, the controls aren’t great, but it’s a fun game… at first.  Then it starts to suck, and that’s where James Rolfe comes in.

It sucking fucks, it fucking sucks, it fucking blows, it’s a piece of shit…  and I don’t like it.

James Rolfe as The Angry Video Game Nerd

James Rolfe as The Angry Video Game Nerd

Agreed, sir.  Agreed.

If you were a gamer in the mid to late eighties and onward, then you know how revolutionary Nintendo was for those of us who were used to the classic Atari 2600 (or pretenders like the ColeocoVision), as was the Super Nintendo (I know this is an old debate, but Sega sucked.  The Sega Master System and Sega Genesis were inferior pieces of hardware; we can debate game libraries till the cows come home, but when games came out on both systems, Nintendo wins hands down every time… hence Sega makes games for Nintendo now?  Figure that one out!), the Nintendo 64, and so on.  (I’ll take another quick second to say that for the most part, the Playstation is a load-time-cut-scene-infused paperweight.)  That being said, Nintendo had it’s fair share of bad games, whether licensed or not, and The Angry Video Game Nerd is just the man to exorcise the video game demons that haunt our souls from both yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I feel that I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Mr. Rolfe’s other efforts, which can be found on his website at Cinemassacre.com.  His other series, such as Board James, a partly informational series on Board Games, a convention I assume is going the way of the Polar Bear (his horror movie-esque short on Mr. Bucket is not to missed) or the annual Cinemassacre.com’s Monster Madness, which brings an assortment of monster movies to the forefront every Halloween, and I think any movie fan would enjoy, even if you’re like me and don’t spend much time watching horror, slasher or monster movies.

James Rolfe has taken the comedic review to strange and hilarious new places.  Sure, it can be juvenile, profane and even downright disgusting, but that’s what makes it fun.  In fact, I particularly enjoyed a long diatribe about how bad a game was involving excrement and… well, other things, after which The Nerd said, “That was foul; I apologize.”  It’s over the top, it’s silly and it’s great.  It’s also self aware, which may be the most important reason it works so well.  The guy does a brilliant job connecting with the audience… maybe its just me, because Mr. Rolfe and I are the same age and from the same part of the country and come from a shared experience, but I think there is something for everyone in Mr. Rolfe’s catalog.  Take a look, you’re bound to find something you like.

Unless you can’t tolerate profanity and vulgarity.  Then you’re shit out of luck.

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