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Facebook: The Official Site of Finding Out Which of Your High School Friends are Racist and/or Crazy


This is the best thing ever.

Oh Facebook, you’ve taught me so much over the years.  I suppose the most treasured lesson is the revelation that former acquaintances have taken the proverbial long walk off the short mental pier.  Read the rest of this entry

Catalogs are awesome at casual racism and other things that are bad


There’s nothing worse than politically leaning products, but if you really want to make it clear that your catalog caters to one specific market, put your “countdown to Obama’s last day” clock near the “Ho Lee Chit” t-shirts.  This way, it’s not only clear that you lean right, but we can take an accurate guess at what year you were born in based on the idea that you think “Ho Lee Chit” is funny and OK to wear on a t-shirt.


In an effort to make sure they offend as many groups as possible, here we have the “Lead me not into temptation… Oh hell just follow me I know a shortcut” t-shirt just a few inches away from the “Like a good neighbor Jesus is there.”  I never took any marketing classes in college, but I’d venture a guess and just say that people who would wear the former t-shirt wouldn’t wear the latter.

It’s incredible how poor the taste can be in one catalog, but they did an amazing job of making me shake my head, laugh and point my finger at their general ignorance.  Well done, catalog!

Mark Twain Is Smarter Than Alan Gribben

Twain was awarded a doctrine of literature from Oxford University... not exactly Auburn University, but still...

Twain was awarded a doctrine of literature from Oxford University... not exactly Auburn University, but still...

Alan Gribben is the English professor at Auburn University at Montgomery who suggested that NewSouth Books replace the word “nigger” with “slave” and the word “injun” with “Indian” in a new edition of “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.”  Mr. Gribben is quoted to have said, “even at the level of college and graduate school, students are capable of resenting textual encounters with this racial appellative.”

First, a word on advice:  know who you’re getting it from.  I’m sure Auburn is a great school, but check this out:

Auburn’s top-ranked football team, which is preparing to play Oregon in Glendale, Ariz., for the national title on Monday, has tumbled in the N.C.A.A.’s most important academic measurement to No. 85 from No. 4 among the 120 major college football programs.

I have no respect for schools that place athletic achievement above educational endeavors, and its looking like Auburn sacrifices standards and principles to win football games – so maybe they’re not the first school to run to when you have questions about American Literature Classics.  I’m also suspicious anytime a southern school has anything to do with ‘whitewashing’ American history.

Secondly, a word on Mark Twain:  he’s the greatest.  Haley’s Comet adhered to the man’s wishes… the man literally commanded the heavens:

“I came in with Halley’s Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it… The Almighty has said, no doubt: ‘Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.'”

He died in April – it swung by to pick him up in May.  Oh, and he’s also generally regarded as the father of American Literature, so you can’t fuck with his words.  Changing Twain’s text is akin to saying you know better than Twain, and Mr. Gribben, lets not embarrass ourselves…  I doubt you have half of Twain’s intellectual powers on your best day.  Can anyone imagine Twain suggesting that some text from another excellent historical author should be changed?  Not likely.

Finally, “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” is about RACISM.  How can you take the racial slurs out of a book about racism?  Isn’t racial slurs a large part of the point?  “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” helps contemporary Americans see where we were, how far we’ve come, and how very far we still have to go.  Modifying the text is as bad as selling teeth whitener that removes the enamel along with the stain… it’s the kind of thing that will get you ridden out of town on a rail, tarred and feathered.

Don’t buy the modified version of “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn;” it’d be like denying your past.  We’re Americans, and we are who we are.  We never stop growing or changing; sure, sometimes folks come along who try to retard the process, but we’re smarter than them – sometimes you need to swab the knuckleheads off the deck of your river boat.

North Iowa Tea Party’s anti socialist obama billboard

North Iowa Tea Party’s anti socialist obama billboard

I don’t see how I can take a political party seriously when they’re running ads like this one.  Step into my office, North Iowa Tea Party.

First off, its just bad marketing – all I can learn about your organization, which is new and I know little about, is what I can infer – that you don’t like socialism of any kind.  So why bother to separate them into  categories?  Why not just put all three figures on the billboard together, not separated by anything and just label it, ‘Socialists!’ because by putting these three together, you’re trying to at the very least infer they’re all the same on some level…  Right?  I think that’s what you’re saying.

Who’s praying on the fearful and naive?  Equating Hitler, Lenin and Obama?  Really?  No high school history student could take that seriously.  When Obama orders mass murder, call me.

And stop me if I’m way off, but I read in a few different publications that nearly all Tea Party members describe themselves as supporters of Social Security and Medicare.  Aren’t those socialist programs?  Pretty sure at least one is… the one with ‘social’ in the title, right?

Also, New Hampshire called:  they want their motto back!

Finally, I love that they’re the North Iowa Tea Party.  Iowa has a population of 3,007,856.  I know it’s a big place, but does your state really needs more than one branch of the Tea Party?  Brooklyn has a population of over 2 million…  or maybe its that there was one Iowa Tea Party, but they had to split in two because the South Iowa Tea Party wanted the billboard to read:  “Obama – impeach him because he’s black.  Seriously.”

But whatever, North Iowa Tea Party.

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