Blog Archives

Donald Trump Executive Order + #JustAddZebras (Angry Cucumber)

A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away), Master Yoda told us that the future was always in motion.  It was true then, and it’s true now.  We make changes with the times.  For example, my Yankees baseball twitter is now Angry Cucumber, a gourd with a furious appetite for democracy.  Follow along with the Choleric Cucurbitaceae on Twitter!

Obama saves 2 turkeys from a terrible fate

President Obama, in his annual turkey pardoning, said he was saving Mac and Cheese (the turkeys) “from a terrible and delicious fate.”  Now, as someone who advocates for animals, I’m going to ignore the use of the word “delicious” and focus instead on “terrible” and call this a win for my side.
Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving!

A Quick Argument on Voting for the Democrats this Election Day

On Tuesday, November 4th, registered American voters can, in some states, help shape the balance of power in the United States Senate. I don’t spend much time writing about politics on the site because modern government kinda is what it is at this point (until massive federal campaign finance reform legislation gets passed, which at this point, looks to be happening at never o’clock on when hell freezes over), but I thought it was important to make a case for the Democrats and why they’re the lesser evil of the two incompetent jackasses we get to choose from. Read the rest of this entry

Stop worrying about ebola, start worrying about heart disease, cancer and 8 other things that are killing Americans

A recent episode of The Daily Show pointed out that campaigning politicians and talk show hosts (or, if you prefer, “pundits”) have been calling for action regarding protecting Americans from being killed by the ebola virus, which isn’t really a thing that is happening. What is killing Americans is heart disease, cancer and 8 other things at a rate that will probably never be overtaken by ebola.

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Catalogs are awesome at casual racism and other things that are bad


There’s nothing worse than politically leaning products, but if you really want to make it clear that your catalog caters to one specific market, put your “countdown to Obama’s last day” clock near the “Ho Lee Chit” t-shirts.  This way, it’s not only clear that you lean right, but we can take an accurate guess at what year you were born in based on the idea that you think “Ho Lee Chit” is funny and OK to wear on a t-shirt.


In an effort to make sure they offend as many groups as possible, here we have the “Lead me not into temptation… Oh hell just follow me I know a shortcut” t-shirt just a few inches away from the “Like a good neighbor Jesus is there.”  I never took any marketing classes in college, but I’d venture a guess and just say that people who would wear the former t-shirt wouldn’t wear the latter.

It’s incredible how poor the taste can be in one catalog, but they did an amazing job of making me shake my head, laugh and point my finger at their general ignorance.  Well done, catalog!

A Farewell to Nelson Mandela

We learned yesterday that Nelson Mandela had passed away at the age of 95. His health had been in a state of decline for some months, but he was referred to as critical yet stable, so this is something of a shock, even at Mandela’s age. At a moment like this, it’s easy to realize how unlikely it is that someone like Mandela ever existed and how little chance there is of ever seeing the likes of him again.  Read the rest of this entry

The 150th Anniversary of the Gettysburg Address

One hundred and fifty years ago today, President Abraham Lincoln made his address at the Consecration of the National Cemetery at Gettysburg. In just 10 sentences, Lincoln summed it all up. Read the rest of this entry

Election Day in New Jersey wouldn't be the same without Jeff Boss

Another election day has rolled around and I’m pleased to say that we’ve got Jeff Boss on the ballot again – this time, for Governor. Sure, there are lots of third parties out there, but no one does third party politics quite like Mr. Boss and his "party," calling itself NSA Did 911, which may be the most subtle political party name ever. The cherry on top of the proverbial sundae is, of course, his fantastic sample ballot statement.

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A Quick Word on Gun Control


I took this photo at the post office, and this sign doesn’t look new.  So, we can ascertain that the federal government figured out a long time ago that it didn’t want non law enforcement personnel carrying weapons on their property…  But we should discuss placing guns in schools?  If there’s no room for guns at the post office, should we really surround children with guns?

I’m gonna go ahead and say no…  But on the other hand, a well place police cruiser could certainly be a welcomed addition to any schools security plans.

Gov Christie Didn’t like Pres Obama’s Inauguration Speech

chris-christie-2016As you know, President Obama has been sworn in for his second term as President of the United States.  Despite the Inauguration occurring on Martin Luther King Jr Day, most of us had to work and missed the festivities.  And it’s a good thing, too – Governor Christie didn’t enjoy the speech, so I’m sure that means it was a pinko commie manifesto that tarnishes this great country.  Let’s take a look. Read the rest of this entry

Random Texts Sent Between Mitt Romney and His Campaign Manager

mitt-romneyPoliticians must text, right?  It’s a standard mode of communication these days and I’d have to imagine it’s an invaluable tool during the constant on the go of a presidential campaign.  Here’s what I imagine the texts exchanged between Mitt Romney and his campaign manager look like.

Also, 10 bucks says Mitt uses a Blackberry.

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JOBS Act & Why It’s Bad For America


"I'm an amendment to be, yes an amendment to be, and I'm hoping that they'll ratify me! There's a lot of flag burners who have got too much freedom - I want to make it legal for policemen to beat 'em!"

When you see a bill before Congress called the JOBS act, it’s easy to assume that it has something to do with a federal jobs program that will put unemployed Americans back to work.  Well, it’s time to get your acronym on and guess what JOBS actually stands for.

Job Organizations Bringing Seasonal employment

Job Opportunities Between Shores

Job Options But for the Shoeless

Give up?  The correct answer is:  Jump-start Our Business Start-ups.

So what the hell does that mean?  I’ll let the much smarter than I am Gail Collins explain:

Basically, it relieves businesses that are preparing to go public from some of the most important auditing regulations that Congress passed after the Enron debacle. Also, new public companies could delay following the rules on disclosing executive compensation that were passed after the 2008 Wall Street implosion. And salesmen could market stock in new companies to small investors on the Internet.

I’d be more inclined to support the Steve Jobs act – iPads for all!  And believe me, I do NOT want my tax dollars to pay for a bunch of overpriced, Flash-less tablets that will be obsolete when Apple releases a new version six months from now.

There is shocking amount of bipartisan support for this awful legislation, so unless you sign a petition and/or email your members of Congress, the status quo will back just as soon as they can vote yes.

more Election 2012 at

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