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Oh Hai, Society – Stop Telling Me Not To Get Married!

marriage-ball-and-chain

This is appropriate in society for some reason.

I’m getting married and I’m pumped up about it!  EVERYBODY STOP TRYING TO KILL MY BUZZ!  Seriously, society – what’s your problem?  Here’s my theory:

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Oh Hai, Nissan! Why’s your ad crazy?

I know it’s October and Halloween is on everyone’s mind, but jeez, Nissan – pump the proverbial breaks, would ya?   Read the rest of this entry

Baffling Movie Trailers: The Hero of Color City and The Maze Runner

This week on Baffling Movie Trailers, we’ve got two new movies coming that we’ve already seen before. I guess it’s open season on plagiarism!

Oh Hai, The Hero of Color City – uhm, you can’t just make a "toys come to life when nobody’s looking" movie at this point in history. It’s just not going to fly. Disney is going to be up in your grill about this at some point, I imagine. I’m no Toy Story fan, but if you’re going to rip somebody off, at least do a better job with the concept than they did. ("Different" does not mean "better.") I appreciate that this a movie for children, but just because they’re kids doesn’t mean they’re idiots – this movie looks awful. It looks like it was developed on the Game Cube platform or something.

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Oh Hai, Radio Stations that only play Christmas Music; why you playin' "Linus and Lucy?"

When it comes to Christmas Albums, the Vince Guaraldi Trio’s soundtrack to A Charlie Brown Christmas is at the top of the heap. And, since, it’s a soundtrack, the album includes the signature song from the Peanuts specials, that being "Linus and Lucy." And here’s where we run into an issue. Read the rest of this entry

Oh Hai, Outlook – watcha doin' with that spam?

Microsoft Outlook may be the most mysterious program I’ve ever used. Sure, some programs are complex or don’t have a great interface, but sometimes, Microsoft Outlook just decides it’s gonna do da f*ck what it wants ta do, beotch!

For example, I’ll be moving through my inbox, deleting unwanted mails and then BOOM! It brings me back up to the top of the list. Another great thing Outlook likes to do is randomly assign what email account it will send a mail from. That’s fun, too.

My favorite Outlook quirk is, however, when somehow an email is so incredibly heinous that it will get marked as a "***VIRUS***" in the subject line, but Outlook will still put it in the inbox folder. Really, Outlook? How about we go with the Junk folder for this stuff? Maybe it’s not Outlook’s fault – maybe my anti-virus is marking the emails, but you’d think the most successful software company in the history of the industry could figure out that "***VIRUS***" means bad and take the appropriate action.

Oh Hai, Zion Oil – wait, what?

Zion Oil and Gas is a publicly traded company that – get this – believes that the Old Testament of the Bible is telling it to drill for natural resources in Israel.

Yep, it’s basically the Blues Brothers of business models, but instead of doing something noble like saving an orphanage, they’re trying to make money by drilling for that which is probably not there based on what are most likely poorly translated verses from the books of Genesis and Deuteronomy as the Bible is most likely referring to olive oil rather than petroleum. (Of course, it would be delicious if cars ran on olive oil, but then, what would I sauté in? WHAT, I ask you?) Zion seems to be conscious of the translation issue as they mention it in the video below around the 3:37 mark.

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Oh Hai, Family Guy – why’dya kill Brian?

Oh Hai, Family Guy Team!

I’ve been tough on you and Seth MacFarlane before. Hey, that’s criticism, right? And it’s not that I never enjoyed Family Guy – I thought the first three seasons had some borderline classic episodes, particularly “Mr. Saturday Knight” and “Kiss Saves Santa.” Of course, they weren’t all gold – there was episodes like “Screwed the Pooch,” which lifted most of its first act and other parts of the episode directly from The Simpsons episode “Two Dozen & One Greyhounds.” The show was cancelled, came back, was cancelled again, and then, after strong DVD sales, it was time for another go round. Starting with Season 4, I felt the show had lost its way, but now… I’d say that this is the end. And maybe, just maybe, Seth MacFarlane agrees – or is finally forcing it.

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The Worst Movies Ever: The Room

the-room-movie-posterI’d vaguely heard of The Room and seen a few clips on YouTube, but it took the wise advice of trusted friends to get me to watch the entire movie and truly appreciate its great-awfulness.  So,  Andrew and Janet, this one is for you!

Just look at the poster.  What the hell is that look?  Who picked that photo?  Was that the only one they took?  And is he drunk?  Let this set the tone for something that is so bad it’s good.

spoiler alert

Charactersworst-movies-ever
The thing that makes this movie so interesting (it’s bad, but still interesting) is it’s insane characters.  Sure, their dialogue sounds like a toilet backing up onto a floor covered three inches deep in Pop Rocks, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun to listen to… or does it? It’s one or the other, I forget which. Read the rest of this entry

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