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Cars 3 trailer is terrifyingly real

Hi Disney,

How are you?  Is everything OK?  I’m asking because I just saw the Cars 3 trailer and oh my lord what the hell were you guys thinking?

Did you see the $1.1 billion Civil War made and think, “Hmmm.   Cars 2 only made $562 million, which is less than a billion dollars.  Better call the Marvel guys in, see what they suggest.”  Because that’s what it looks like.

My nephew is a huge Cars fan.  Are you trying to kill him?   He’s going to need to change his clothes after he sees this trailer.  What’s going to happen when he sees this Days of Thunder knockoff?  Did Disney invest in therapeutic drugs and their plan is to traumatize a generation?  Did you learn nothing from the three generations of moviegoers still complaining about Bambi’s mom?  Do you guys think you’re making Harry Potter and Cars needs to get darker as it goes along?

Look, I get that the first Cars movie was a Doc Hollywood knockoff and the second one was a James Bond parody, but the hyper realistic imagery and near death experience (and that’s just the trailer) are probably not the right direction to take the franchise that inspired this:

Victor Frankenstein, The Jungle Book, The Night Before & Krampus (Baffling Movie Trailers)

movie-posters-2015

This very well me the happiest edition of Baffling Movie Trailers ever… until the end, that is.  Read the rest of this entry

The Visit and JOY (Baffling Movie Trailers)

For good or ill, movie trailers can be baffling.  Today, we have an example of both!  Also on today’s installment of Baffling Movie Trailers – a gif that sums up my general reaction to seeing a film is in any way associated with M. Night Shyamalan.  Read the rest of this entry

MOVIE TRAILER MANIA! Return to Sender, Barely Lethal, Trainwreck, Accidental Love, Youth

Today’s movie trailer mania has some melodrama, comedy, legitimate film.   Let’s have at it!

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MOVIE TRAILER MANIA! Point Break (remake), The Intern, Unexpected, Irrational Man

So many movies come out every year and I gotta be honest with ya; most of em look like the tightly coiled piles my dogs leave on the lawn.  Here’s my take on four new movie trailers. 
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Movie Trailers: When Voice Over Goes Wrong (Aloha movie trailer)

There are lots of ways to market movies: you got your print media in the form of billboards, wrapped buses, posters and whatnot, but for me, it’s all about the trailer.  This is an art form unto itself, and it’s not easy.  Here, we have two different movie trailers for Bradley Cooper’s new jam, Aloha.  The thirty second spot features voice over while the two-minute plus version does not, and it makes a world of difference.  Read the rest of this entry

Terminator Genisys (Baffling Movie Trailers)

Today on Baffling Movie Trailers: we’ve got Terminator Genisys, featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger returning to his signature franchise and an intentional misspelling in the title, so you know it has to be a good movie! Read the rest of this entry

Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (Baffling Movie Trailers)

Today, we get the good kind of baffling on Baffling Movie TrailersStar Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens! Read the rest of this entry

Jurassic World and Pan (Baffling Movie Trailers)

Today on Baffling Movie Trailers, we’ll tackle some big budget monsters heading our way in the shapes of dinosaurs and a boy who won’t grow up. Read the rest of this entry

Strange Magic and 'I' (Baffling Movie Trailers)

Today on Baffling Movie Trailers: Luasfilm’s Strange Magic and ‘I’. Let the snarking begin! Read the rest of this entry

Baffling Movie Trailer: Minions

I loved the first Despicable Me; it’s a near perfect movie. Then, we got Despicable Me 2: The Search for More Money. That movie is, you know… fine. It doesn’t really need to exist, but it didn’t put me to sleep. But now, we’re getting a sort of prequel in the shape of Minions because… I dunno. Money, probably. Read the rest of this entry

Baffling Movie Trailers: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, Mad Max: Fury Road, Tusk

Today on Baffling Movie Trailers: it’s the first teaser for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, Mad Max: Fury Road, and Kevin Smith’s new jam, Tusk. Let the snarking begin!

So… what does that guy think Katniss is doing there, dressed in a field uniform and armed with weapons? Does he think she’s there to give hair cuts? Maybe teach an archery class? And I guess the final chapter in all series has to be split into two movies now? I thought you were better than that, Hunger Games. Also… I’m kinda thinking there’s not gonna be a Hunger Games in The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 so… there’s that.
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