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My Five Favorite Things About Mitt Romney

Whether Republicans like him or not, Mitt Romney has again emerged as the front runner (despite whatever deal Herman Cain is offering on pizza) for the GOP nomination for President of these United States.  When the process started, I thought that Romney, who I knew next to nothing about, was a fine choice and actually had a chance to win.  After all, RomneyCare sounds a lot like ObamaCare, right?  Maybe he’d steal independent voters away from the President and after all, anyone who wants to make sure his constituency has healthcare is OK in my book.

Or so I thought.  Turns out, there are reasons why the Republicans were begging Christie the Hutt to run for president.

1.  Mitt Romney looks like a president
The last time he ran for president, I didn’t really notice Mitt.  Now, he’s not only the front runner, but I recognize him when I see him, which might be because he looks like the guy that usually gets cast in movies to play a fictitious president.  Check out how much he looks like the guy from that terrible National Treasure movie.


BOTH: “Our hair is awesome!”

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time having much confidence in anyone that puts their trust in Nicholas Cage.  I guess he didn’t see Ghost Rider.

2.  Mitt Romney signed the National Organization for Marriage’s insane pledge
Mitt Romney used to be pro Gay Rights and would write letters to the Log Cabin Republicans, supporting their cause (Ha, ‘log’ – I get it, that’s awesome!), but more on flip flopping later.  In any case, he doesn’t have their backs when it comes to marriage – at least not anymore:

from CBS News:

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has signed a pledge sponsored by the National Organization for Marriage promising to support a federal constitutional amendment “defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman.”

Wait, there’s more!

The pledge also includes promises to vigorously defend the Defense of Marriage Act in courts – something the Obama administration has decided not to do – and nominate Supreme Court and federal judges who “reject the idea our Founding Fathers inserted a right to gay marriage into our Constitution.”

Does the pledge really use the word, ‘insert?’ Because if it does, that’s awesome.  It’s just hard (awesome!) for me to believe that someone running for president signed this nonsense – well, I knew Michelle Bachman would – but all of them?  Anyway, if anyone wouldn’t sign, I thought it would be Mitt… but here we are.  I also like that Romney, as a Mormon, is signing a pledge to tell people who and how they can get married…  he knows he’s Mormon, right?  I know that the Mormon’s officially abandoned polygamy in the late nineteenth/early twentieth century, but that’s not exactly a long time ago.

3.  Mitt Romney thinks we’re not spending enough on our military and aren’t intervening enough in foreign conflicts.
I honestly don’t know what country Mitt Romney thinks he’s running for president in – maybe Canada?  I don’t know.  But he seriously believes we need to spend more on our military (despite the fact that we spend more than the rest of the world COMBINED, including China) and “Romney called for America to lead multilateral organizations and alliances.”  Does he seriously think we’re not doing that already?  Or just not enough?  Ugh.  Somebody get this guy a newspaper or an iPad or a functioning set of eyes and ears!

Mitt Romney has flip-flopped on basically every major issue Republicans have cared about over the last twenty or so years.
I think this is why the Republicans keep going on their ‘anybody but Mitt’ searches – ask John McCain about this!
Mitt Romney used to…

  • be Pro Choice – he’s Pro Life now
  • be for Gay Rights – he’s since signed the pledge
  • favor new gun laws – now he loves the NRA
  • favor campaign finance reform – now… “The American people should be free to advocate for their candidates and their positions without burdensome limitations.”
  • fuck it, if you want to read more, go here.

Or, enjoy some quotes from the man himself:

5.  Mitt Romney drove from Boston to Canada with his dog strapped to the roof of his station wagon.
In 1983 (when he was 36 years old), he put his Irish Setter, Seamus, in a crate, strapped the crate to the roof of the aforementioned station wagon, designed some sort of wind-shield to protect the crate and therefore make the journey more tolerable, and then hit the road.  Apparently, he had to make a quick pit stop when the dog shit himself and it rolled down the car windows.  This is not the stuff of internet rumor:  it’s true!


Seamus: “If I don’t take care of these cats, Mitt will tie me to the roof of the space shuttle.”

If you were holding onto some sort of hope that Mitt Romney was an intelligent, candid man who could admit when he’s wrong… well, I’m sorry for you.

But on the campaign trail in Pennsylvania Thursday, Romney defended his chosen mode of transportation for the family dog.

“He scrambled up there every time we went on trips, got in all by himself and enjoyed it,” Romney said of the Irish Setter.

Yeah, Seamus enjoyed the trip up there, presumably right up until he shit himself.  Also, I think he just inadvertently admitted he put the poor dog up there more than once…  I really thought it was just the one time.
Bonus!  My favorite Mitt Romney quote:
“I began [hunting] when I was 15 or so and I have hunted those kinds of varmints [rodents, rabbits] since then. More than two times.”
So he’s been hunting for decades and is sure that he’s actually gone hunting ‘more than two times.’  That’s frigging AWESOME!

BONUS!  10 Things Mitt Romney’s Republican Primary Opponents Said About Bain

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Everything you ever wanted to know and were afraid to ask about Glen Beck

glen beckNew York Times Magazine has a dissertation (the online version is 10 “pages” long) out on Glen Beck.  If that sounds daunting, don’t worry – I’ll hook you up.  Let’s quote:

“I think what the country is going through right now is, in a way, what I went through with my alcoholism,” he told me. “You can either live or die. You have a choice.”

Am I the only person on earth who didn’t know Glen Beck was a recovering alcoholic?  That makes it even more interesting to me when people refer to him as the new Rush Limbaugh, as Mr. Limbaugh is in recovery for abusing… I forget what, pills, maybe?  And ‘live or die,’ huh?  I guess Glen Beck saw the end of Karate Kid Part 2.

It was a Wednesday afternoon in the middle of September, and Beck had just returned from a week’s vacation in the Grand Tetons followed by a quick hop to Anchorage, where he and Sarah Palin appeared at an event on Sept. 11.

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