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Catalogs are awesome at casual racism and other things that are bad

obama-racist-catalog

There’s nothing worse than politically leaning products, but if you really want to make it clear that your catalog caters to one specific market, put your “countdown to Obama’s last day” clock near the “Ho Lee Chit” t-shirts.  This way, it’s not only clear that you lean right, but we can take an accurate guess at what year you were born in based on the idea that you think “Ho Lee Chit” is funny and OK to wear on a t-shirt.

jesus-catalog

In an effort to make sure they offend as many groups as possible, here we have the “Lead me not into temptation… Oh hell just follow me I know a shortcut” t-shirt just a few inches away from the “Like a good neighbor Jesus is there.”  I never took any marketing classes in college, but I’d venture a guess and just say that people who would wear the former t-shirt wouldn’t wear the latter.

It’s incredible how poor the taste can be in one catalog, but they did an amazing job of making me shake my head, laugh and point my finger at their general ignorance.  Well done, catalog!

Movie Critics Don’t Like Son Of God

Son of God is at 22% on Rotten Tomatoes, meaning only 22% of movie critics gave the movie a positive review.  There’s something disingenuous about this trailer, so I never got around to seeing this movie and as we can see, the critics certainly didn’t favor this one.  One thing that really grabbed my attention was FOX’s summary for the movie: Read the rest of this entry

Creed is the Name of a Band that Still Sorta Exists

Why I’m writing about Creed is going to take a while to explain.  I’ll do my best to make sense of it all.

It all started when I was editing the Green Lantern movie review post.  I was fixing a grammatical error when I noticed this:

sinestro creed

Lemme zoom in for ya.

sinestro-his-eyes-wide-open

I thought, “Holy potato balls!” and nearly did a spit take all over my monitor.  The fragment, “with arms wide open” was a line from the Creed song of the same name, but as soon as I think Creed, I remember their up tempo hit, “Higher.”

This reference hadn’t been relevant for over ten years when the post was originally published, and now, it seemed even more ridiculous.  I made the decision to delete it, but I didn’t – I never shall.  I just kept looking at it and thinking.

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Wrapping for Jesus is offensively entertaining


Yep, that’s just what it is: offensively entertaining.  Offentertaining, if you will.

16 points on Man of Steel (movie review)

man-of-steel-posterI desperately want everyone to refer to Man of Steel as Superman Returns Again. (For some reason, that is very funny to me.) Anyway, Man of Steel is a bit of mess (yet still entertaining), and so, my review is also just a rambling jumble of headings, a list that is trying to find its place on the internet, much like Superman trying to find his place in the world. See what I did there? Yeah, the movie is just as subtle as this review. Read the rest of this entry

Happy Easter – bunny cake style

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My mom contributed to our Easter feast via the above vegan coconut-lemon bunny shaped cake, and it was das bomb…  And rather reminds me of…  Jesus…  I guess.

Selling Jesus Door to Door

I live in a neighborhood with a lot of churches and I guess three competition is fierce for patronage in a world with dwindling church attendance.  Some guy dropped this off:

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Wow, Jesus looks great!  Looks like he just got a hair cut and his beard trimmed!  In fact, I think I know where the artist got his inspiration from…

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Yep, it seems to be Mark from The RoomHow the hell did that happen?

Speaking of hell, this is just one more post that probably confirms my final destination.

5 Frequently Asked Questions About Christmas By Space Aliens

It’s only a matter of time before the space aliens get here, and there is a chance that they could land on earth in America during the Christmas season.  After wandering around for a few days, they will certainly have questions, which may go something like…

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Jesus Ad

jesus-ad

THIS.

So… what do we have here?  This is pretty strange advertisement.
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Bumper Sticker Implies Driver Is The Daughter Of Jesus

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I’m not a big fan of bumper stickers, nor am I easily offended.  Now this doesn’t bother me, but it requires serious proverbial balls.
See, when I stopped to take the pic, I only noticed it said, “I know I’m a princess,” and I immediately thought, “Well now I know you’re an asshole,” and it wasn’t until I zoomed in on the pic did I realize that it said that bit about her father being the king if kings.  So Jesus is your father?!?  I’m no theology scholar, but I’m pretty sure it’s not OK to say that.

Pretty sure.

More Photos at creativejamie.com/category/photos/

Jesus Christ Superstar Movie Review – Easter Style – The Worst Movies Ever

worst-movie-ever

A trophy of sadness.

NOTE:  I’M NOT BOTHERING TO PUT UP THE SPOILER ALERT NOTICE FOR THIS MOVIE…  IT’S NEARLY 40 YEARS OLD AND IT’S ADAPTED FROM THE MOST FAMOUS PARTS OF THE BIBLE, SO ODDS ARE, YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW THE STORY.  Also, be warned – I had to bring the profanity to this post.  It couldn’t be helped.

Passover got its due, now it’s Easter’s turn – except I think we can all agree that Easter is getting the worst of it.  In fact, Jesus Christ Superstar (1973 version) is more like a few weeks after Easter when you find some of those hard boiled eggs you so painstakingly colored and forgot about, tucked away in the fridge behind one of those unnecessarily huge jars of Miracle Whip.  Hence, JCS earns my award for The Worst Movie Ever, Movies About Religion Category – it probably also deserves to be the worst musical ever, but I’m saving that one for now.

If you made it through that entire clip, you’re a stronger person than I am.  But if you made it through even some of that clip, the first question on your mind was probably, “What the fuck is this?”  I’m betting the second question was, “Why?”  I bet it was also the third, fourth and fifth questions  you thought of, too.  Why ask why?  Where to begin…

  • Why are people singing boisterously about the death of Jesus?
  • Why do the guys crucifying Jesus appear to be stereotypically gay construction workers?
  • Why is that cross fade on Jesus so awkward? 
  • Why does the camera keep cutting like that?  What’s with the dancing spot lights in the background?  What’s with the half naked  dancers?  And why do they keep multiplying?  Where the hell do they keep coming from?  Who directed this piece of shit?  Norman Jewison, which is strange, because he directed good movies, too.  So why does Jesus Christ Superstar suck so bad?  Probably for the same reason that after Al Pacino’s rousing “You’re out of order!”  speech from ...And Justice For All ends on a freeze frame.
  • Why do the lyrics run out of steam after just one verse?  “Do you think you’re what they say you are?”  Uhm, you really think the guy who said, “…if you refuse to believe in me, at least believe in the work I do” had doubts?
  • Really, you cast a black guy as Judas?  Really?  And he rode into the scene on a cross?
  • This song is at least a minute two long.

Ugh.  And that’s just four minutes out of the movie.

For me, the most important ‘why’ question that needs answering is, why would you want to make a musical out of the passion play?  Aren’t there some topics that just don’t translate from the page to a full blown musical?  I say yes, and this is one of them.

This movie is terrible.  The fake opera dialogue is terrible, the lyrics are terrible, the choreography is terrible, the directing is terrible, the music is terrible and for the love of Jesus, couldn’t they get a better actor to play Jesus?  But it must have been tough – he’s written so poorly.  But then, sometimes, just for fun, the director steps in to make things worse:  fast forward to 3:50 at the previous clip…  if you dare.  “Just watch me die!”  You got that right.

I want to make it perfectly clear that this is not an attack on Jesus, the Bible, Christianity or religion.  This is a verbal attack on Andrew Lloyd Webber, Tim Rice, Norman Jewison, Melvyn Bragg and anyone else who had anything to do with this terrible, terrible movie musical.  In fact, Christians should be outraged at how awful this is – they should collect and destroy all copies of this awfulness and ask YouTube to take this abomination off their servers.  If you want to see a movie about Jesus, stick with King of Kings.  That’s how it’s done.  “Love your neighbor as you love yourself,” that’s it – that’s where it’s at – not this, “Who are you, What have you sacrificed/Do you think you’re what they say you are?” nonsense the show’s title song repeats over and over and over and over and over and over!

Oh and one more thing – obviously when it comes to movies about Jesus, King of Kings is the best, but to take it a step further, that movie ends at the logical closure point – after the resurrection of Jesus!  If you must have a musical about the end of Jesus’ life, couldn’t you end it with the resurrection instead of the crucifixion?  If you were going to sing about any part of Jesus’ life, would that be the part?  I just don’t get it.  Jesus Christ Superstar is one of the worst movies ever.

(Oh, and the play sucks too – I only worked on it for about two weeks, but it was my own personal Vietnam and was a direct cause of the end of my career in technical theater.  It’s that bad.  I was thinking, “If these are the kind of shows I’m going to have to work on to stay in this business, then forget it.”)

The Fighter movie review

the fighterEvery once and a while an actor will take a role and produce a performance that will make you realize that you may have underestimated their capabilities.  I think Christian Bale has done this in The Fighter.

I do want to take a moment and be absolutely clear that I am a HUGE Christian Bale fan and that nothing the man does surprises me.  Whether he’s playing Jesus or John Conner, the guy gets it done.  The screenplay doesn’t even have to be that good; check out Equilibrium, for example – the director allows him to play moments out on his face, and Bale carries the movie on his back like Forest Gump rescuing the guys in his squad during the Viet Nam sequence.  He’s been making movies since the 80s and continues to stack up a pile of rave revues for his performances and, obviously, the guy is BATMAN, for pete’s sake!  But along comes Christian Bale as Dickie Eklund in The Fighter, and I’m feeling that everyone is at least a little surprised.  They shouldn’t be – Bale does not fuck around!  Now that’s not to say that Mark Wahlberg, Amy Adams, or Melissa Leo aren’t delivering great performances in this movie, because they are – but Bale is better.  Bale is Better!  That should be the rallying cry all the way to his acceptance of every possible award for best supporting actor, because the guy steals every scene he’s in.

Now that I’ve droned on and on about the performances, let me get back to the movie as a whole.  For an inspirational sports movie, it doesn’t have a ton of sports in it and is surprising character driven (although I guess you yourself aren’t surprised it’s a character driven movie after my long diatribe about the performances or if you’ve already seen the movie).  The movie has this gritty strength to it that really serves the subject matter and the characters well.  Bale is once again doing one of his lose a ton of weight, gain a ton of weight things – this time, he’s lost a ton of weight for his role as Dickie – not be confused with his bone thin portrayal in The Machinest or his bulked up style in the Batman movies.  Mark Wahlberg is especially diesel in this movie, although I guess that dude is always huge…  in any case, Wahlberg gives a fine performance, but Bale is all over this movie’s grill.  There is also a strong argument for Amy Adam’s performance, who also shows up and does something a bit unexpected – in fact, I was happy with the overall portrayal of her character as they didn’t try to glam her up and make her look like – well, a movie star, which is what she is (just the thought of the commercial for Leap Year is enough to make me start screaming), but she looked like a real person in The Fighter, and it’s a welcomed change to see a woman in a movie not look like a Vanity Fair model.

I really enjoyed this movie, and I’m not a big fan of the inspirational sports genre.  It helps that Micky Ward’s story isn’t one I’m familiar with, and I didn’t feel like things were predictable – speaking of predictable, the swing in this movie from the second act to the third was so smooth, you barely new it was happening – and the third act is a bit longer than it usually is in most movies, although the third act in inspirational sports movies is usually pretty long – yet the movie clocks in at under two hours.

The Fighter is a situation where everyone did everything right:  the performances, the directing by David O. Russell, the screenplay by Scott Silver, Paul Tamasy, and Eric Johnson, the photography by Hoyte Van Hoytema, the casting by Sheila Jaffe, the film editing by Pamela Martin…  everybody brought their A game, and it shows.

My Rating:  4 out of 5

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