Welcome to A Fly On The Wall, a feature that imagines what it would be like to hear conversations that may or may not have ever actually occurred. This time, we’ll use our fly power to head over to Michael Jordan’s house and listen in on a conversation he may or may not of had with his agent.
AGENT: Hey, there’s my guy! There’s my guy! How the hell are you, Michael?!?
MICHAEL: Doing well. Yourself?
AGENT: I am fantastic, Michael – I am fantastic because right now, I have in my possession two items: a gigantic check to you from Hanes and, of less importance, the commercials from the Flight #23 campaign.
MICHAEL: Nice! So you want to watch the spots or have a money fight?
AGENT: Can’t we do both?
MICHAEL: Ha! Yes, but just to make sure I don’t look like an asshole, let’s light up some cigars and watch the Hanes spots first.
MICHAEL: Didn’t have one line in that spot and I’m still awesome.
AGENT: Yeah… uhm, yeah… lets see the next one.
MICHAEL: Even got a biblical reference in this one. Nice.
AGENT: Yeah, you did… Michael, did you shoot all of these spots on the same day?
MICHAEL: Yep, one long, grueling day. Why do you ask?
AGENT: Oh my God.
MICHAEL: What’s the matter?
AGENT: Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Holy shit, Michael! What the hell were you thinking?
MICHAEL: What’s wrong?
AGENT: Fuck, Michael, do you have to ask? You just made fifteen underwear commercials in which you have a Hitler mustache!
Pictured Left: Crazy Person. Pictured Right: Crazy Mustache.
MICHAEL: Oh that. Yeah, I know.
AGENT: You know?
MICHAEL: Of course I know. I do shave myself.
AGENT: What the hell were you thinking?
MICHAEL: I’m taking it back.
AGENT: Taking it back?
AGENT: Taking it back.
MICHAEL: You got it.
AGENT: Michael, one doesn’t simply take back the Hitler mustache.
MICHAEL: True enough; however, not everybody is me.
MICHAEL: Meaning that bastard has held on to the look for decades – he’s been dead since 1945, and I think it’s time to take it back.
AGENT: You can’t take it back.
MICHAEL: The hell I can’t. I can do anything!
AGENT: Except hit a baseball.