I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the incognito web browser setting has only one purpose. You know what it is; I don’t need to – well, I guess I did already spell it out for you in the above image. Anyway, the future sure is exactly what George Lucas promised us in THX 1138.*
*Wow, what an obscure reference to about one second of film from a movie nobody saw.
Last time on Fun with Google Autocomplete, we learned that Americans were bad at history and distinguishing between fantasy and reality. This time, we see that Google is doing a great job of anticipating our concerns about the NFL and their most notorious players. Read the rest of this entry
Google autocomplete can get you some really fun results. Google describes their autocomplete system results as follows:
The search queries that you see as part of Autocomplete are a reflection of the search activity of users and the content of web pages indexed by Google.
That one bit: “reflection of the search activity of users” means there is a little bit of us in those auto complete results. Unfortunately, we’re not so smart. For example, here’s what you get when you type “when did:”
Okay America; we need to study our history a bit better. But it gets worse:
Only one of those things about Patrick Stewart are true. Why are we searching for things that have not happened? Let’s all buckle down and do better, America!
Google’s one of the biggest, most profitable companies in America and yet, they still have no problem thumbing their collective nose at a country like Russia, even though it could potentially cost them a ton of money. (Vladimir Putin strikes me as the sort of guy who would do his best to block Google from Russian ISPs.) This sorta thing makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! (Not warm enough to watch the opening ceremonies in their entirety or something like that, but still, ya know… USA! USA! USA!) We screw up a lot on the international stage, so it’s nice to see us get one right every once and a while.
I’m a happy Google user. I like their products and nitpicking aside, I don’t have any complaints. We live in Google’s world now – we just sort of woke up here one day, but how’d that happen? It’s simple: triangles. Google has utilized the power of the triangle and repetitive use of the letter G to take over the world!
Triangles, as you well know, have long been revered as mystic symbols by both the ancient and modern world because, unlike a circle or a square, you can turn a triangle 90 degrees and it looks different while the other shapes do not. Obviously. Duh. Pointing a triangle up means male, down means female… opposite stuff like that. And then there’s stuff that comes in threes, like the past, present and future, celebrity deaths and, of course, the Holy Trinity (Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Joe DiMaggio.) Anyway, triangles are gangsta.
As aforementioned, Google runs the world: they disseminate information (and doodles!) and own some of the most popular websites on the web. (Google.com is number one and YouTube.com is number 3, so that means pretty much everyone uses Google for something. Oh, and BlogSpot.com is number fifteen, so… yeah, also Google.) Just accept that Google is the most powerful entity on earth (followed closely by Michael Bloomberg, who some how changed the New York City term limit law so he could run for another term) and now focus on how they did it: again, triangles. You think I’m joking? I am NOT joking! Look at their icons! Look at all the triangles! You might say, "Oh, that’s just poor design – they all look so similar, I can barely tell them apart. It’s a good thing YouTube and Play aren’t on the same line in that new drop down! And why does the icon for Drive look like the recycle symbol? Anyway, the triangles are a coincidence."
To which I respond: I DISAGREE, SIR/MADAM! Look how many triangles they wedged into the Play icon! And the Google maps icon! That’s no mistake! And the Drive icon is really just a big triangle pointing up (So Drive is a dude?) instead of pointing to the right like YouTube and Play! Look how they wedged a triangle into the News and Calendar icons! Those don’t need to be there! And GMAIL! LOOK AT THE GMAIL ICON! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!
While I’m talking about the icons, Search and Google+? I can barely tell you guys apart. I know Google is all about the G, but somebody needs to fix that. And I get that Mr. G has some sort of weird malevolent-funk, hypnotic power, but… I…
Oh Golly, that’s Good how Great the letter G is…
What was I saying? Oh yeah, it’s all Triangles and Gs, and it’s how they maintain power. You might not believe me now, but when Google opens a new world headquarters that’s shaped like a pyramid and has a giant G on each side, maybe you’ll begin to understand exactly what’s happening here… but by then, it’ll be too late. We’ll all be wearing Google Glass, watching YouTube on our Android phones and tablets while ordering the latest Chrome Cast on our Chrome Books while simultaneously using voice to text to document our thoughts on BlogSpot.
Huh, I suddenly have an irresistible desire to join the tips of my thumbs and then the tips of my index fingers together… no. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Nearly every single video I’ve watched on YouTube in the last week or so has been preceded by this ad for Zoosk, which is some sort of online dating service. If I see that damn puppet one more time, I’m going to stab it right in the…
Uhm… face? Because its entire body seems to be made of a heart, so… I guess I’ll just keep stabbing it until it’s dead.
To be fair, t he commercial is kinda funny, but I’m totally sick of it. Why is Google targeting me with this ad? I guess because I’m a dude, and dudes are always looking for dates, I guess. Well whatever, Google – I’m very happy with Dr. Girlfriend – thanks for checking.
I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about my digital life – identify theft, account hacks, stolen passwords… it’s not something I think about. Google’s modifications to their systems haven’t really changed that, but I did notice that logging out doesn’t work they way it used to, and I’m a bit annoyed. Read the rest of this entry