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Cars 3 trailer is terrifyingly real

Hi Disney,

How are you?  Is everything OK?  I’m asking because I just saw the Cars 3 trailer and oh my lord what the hell were you guys thinking?

Did you see the $1.1 billion Civil War made and think, “Hmmm.   Cars 2 only made $562 million, which is less than a billion dollars.  Better call the Marvel guys in, see what they suggest.”  Because that’s what it looks like.

My nephew is a huge Cars fan.  Are you trying to kill him?   He’s going to need to change his clothes after he sees this trailer.  What’s going to happen when he sees this Days of Thunder knockoff?  Did Disney invest in therapeutic drugs and their plan is to traumatize a generation?  Did you learn nothing from the three generations of moviegoers still complaining about Bambi’s mom?  Do you guys think you’re making Harry Potter and Cars needs to get darker as it goes along?

Look, I get that the first Cars movie was a Doc Hollywood knockoff and the second one was a James Bond parody, but the hyper realistic imagery and near death experience (and that’s just the trailer) are probably not the right direction to take the franchise that inspired this:

Disney’s Aladdin movie review

Twenty years later, I finally got around to Aladdin.  Oh, sorry – Disney’s Aladdin.  (You have to put “Disney” in front of their movies or else Mickey will give you a beating.)  Anyway, it wasn’t what I expected.  Read the rest of this entry

Hollywood is like the Aunt who keeps giving you stuff you don’t want


Disney releases concept art for their live action adaptation of their animated Jungle Book feature.  Wrap your head around that one. Read the rest of this entry

The Maelstrom is Closing to Make Way for Frozen Ride

“You are not the first to pass this way – but, you will be the last.”

EPCOT’s mini log flume ride The Maelstrom is closing on October 5, 2014, to make way for a Frozen themed attraction. Thus, another educational attraction at EPCOT bites the dust. Read the rest of this entry

Disney subtly suggests that Fur is Murder in 101 Dalmatians

In my lifetime, Disney has been very “be a pirate even though they’re the bad guys” and “sell your soul for a man, little girls!” but in the past, Disney sung songs in my tune.

101 Dalmatians has a super subtle message regarding the fur industry. It’s subtle, right? And it was only 1961, too! Disney was so progressive back then… Now all we get is a rehashing of Hamlet over and over again. Well, probably only the two times, but I’m sure you see my point. Disney isn’t exactly out there tackling income equality, but I suppose they deserve credit for distributing Wall-E.

Disney’s Tower of Terror (movie review)

Disneys-Tower-of-Terror-movie-reviewI betcha didn’t know there was a Tower of Terror movie based off the Disney’s Hollywood Studios/California Adventure attraction of nearly the same name.  (That’s The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror for the uninitiated.)  The attraction itself takes a simple idea and makes it great, but basing a movie off a Disney Attraction has never worked out as far as I can recall.  (I mean artistically, not financially!)    The only thing more shocking than the fact that this movie stars Steve Guttenberg and Kirsten Dunst (other than it exists, I guess) is my overall impression of the movie.   Read the rest of this entry

Ranking the Top 5 Thrill Rides at all Disney Parks

mickey-walk-disney-worldA long while ago, I ranked the thrill rides at Walt Disney World using a rather broad interpretation of the idea of a thrill ride. This time, I’m tightening up the definition to an attraction has some serious speed and pulls some Gs while at the same time broadening the scope to all of the Disney Parks here in the United States. Enough yammering! Here’s my ranking of the Top 5 Thrill Rides at all Disney Parks. Read the rest of this entry

Media Outlets Insist Disney Channel’s Jessie is "breaking new ground," but it’s just BS

The AP (as well as ABC News, but that’s Disney owned, so whatever) has a story out explains that the titular character of The Disney Channel’s Jessie will get engaged over a coming four episode arc. This is, somehow, news… in a world where passenger jets disappear and the conflict over Ukraine flirts with a third world war, this is what we’re going with. And then there’s the picture they posted with the article. Hold on a sec, I need to go put my anit-manipulation suit on.
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Playing with the Soundboard has set up an official Soundboard, which is a great idea. People love Star Wars, people love soundboards, so kaboom – it’s like peanut butter and jelly… or a ration bar and some blue milk, I guess. Anyway, let’s play!
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Star Wars Rebels LOOKS Disney-riffic, FEELS like Clone Wars

Now that Star Wars: The Clone Wars is over on Cartoon Network, we’re getting Star Wars Rebels on Disney XD. The trailer isn’t giving us much, but Disney/Star Wars has dropped a bunch of "meet the characters" styled shorts, and they’re much more revealing. Read the rest of this entry

Saving Mr. Banks (movie review)

You see that trailer up there? Don’t watch it. It’s both misleading and sorta ruins the movie. But if you did already watch it, that’s OK – you’ll probably forget the trailer once you start watching Saving Mr. Banks because the two are soooooo far removed from each other it hardly matters. This doesn’t mean that the movie is bad (it’s quite good, actually), but what’s presented in the trailer is a lighted hearted comedic bit of entertainment history, but what you get is a ton of hard hitting drama with moments of levity in between. Read the rest of this entry

Vegan at the Magic Kingdom

magic-kingdomOh Magic Kingdom, with your mountains and your spectacle and your castles… it doesn’t get much better than the Magic Kingdom, does it? And when it comes to being vegan, there are actually options! Nothing to get crazy over, but options!

Perhaps the fact that there are options at all is cause enough for celebration. Read the rest of this entry

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