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The Dark Knight (movie review)

The question isn’t really regarding the quality of The Dark Knight but instead, by examining its parts, deciding on its place in history. Is it the best action movie ever? Let’s dig in to the most bountiful Batman movie we’re ever likely to get. Read the rest of this entry

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5 Reasons Monthly Comic Book Sales Will NEVER Recover

comic booksThere are so many reasons that practical monthly comic book sales (I mean of the physical object) will never rebound back to their levels of yesteryear that it’s hard to know where to start. As an old-fashioned comic geek, I’ll just stick to the things the industry is doing to themselves rather than factors Marvel and DC can’t control, like the advent of video games and other home entertainment options. Read the rest of this entry

See, this is why I don’t read ‘ultimate’ comics

For those of you with lives, please be advised that Marvel Comics are divided into two universes:  regular and ULTIMATE!  (Kinda wish ‘ultimate’ was ‘extreme’ so they could introduce new characters:  two teenage twins, one called ‘ Mountain’ and the other called ‘Dew.’)  The Ultimate universe is… well, for lack of a better word, dumb.  To be fair, it started off fun:  a re-imagining of the Avengers in a modern setting.  Then, slowly but surely, it got stupider and stupider, like me as I drink my brain cells to death and keep giving myself concussions from face palming over stuff like this, the most recent chapter in in a novel of blunders.  [spoiler after the jump]

captain-picard-face-palm-star-trek-tng

Like this.

Read the rest of this entry

reviews rating system

UPDATE:  2013

I have now switched to a 0-10 scale for scoring movies.  I don’t know why I keep switching… but I do keep switching.  Sorry about that!

UPDATE:  4/4/2012

I have now switched to a 0-100% scale for scoring movies.  Think of it as a grade on a test:

90-100 = A
80-89 = B
70-79 = C
60-69 = D
0-59 = F – an exact number under 59 just illustrates how spectacular the failure was.

OLD SYSTEM:

While I won’t give every book, comic book, movie review or music review a score, I will, at times, break out the old Reviews Rating System.  It’s a 1 through 5 system, 1 being the worst, 5 being the best and may your respective Deity help us if I have to issue someone a zero.  If you’re worried about spoilers or just don’t want to read the review, scroll through the post quickly and you’ll see the score, big as life.

example:

My Rating:  2.5 out of 5

I will try to stick to whole numbers, but I’m not making any promises. Check out the reviews rating system in action at my Rambo post.

  • 1 = incomprehensible:  like sitting in traffic, going to the dentist or watching Hulk Hogan in Suburban Commando… or Thunder in Paradise.  I get chills just thinking about it…
  • 2 = bad:  the plot feels like something out of the Twilight series
    “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…” he murmured.
    I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.
    “What a stupid lamb,” I sighed.
    “What a sick ,masochistic lion.”
    Damn you, tweens!  “As I thrilled to the word?”  Wow.  That’s epic.  She used ‘thrill’ as a verb without an object. That’s great writing.  Just.  Fucking.  Great.  Twilight.
  • 3 = average:  it wasn’t great, but it had a beginning, middle and end.
  • 4 = good:  better than most, but no one is going to study it for hundreds of years
  • 5 = excellent:  you’d sell your grandmother’s false teeth for it
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