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How to Assemble the Gemmy Ornament Outdoor Christmas Decoration

I should tell you: this video is for comedic purposes – it’s not especially instructional.

Here’s our annual holiday video!

Gemmy Ornament Outdoor Christmas Decoration

They don’t show you the rating or the reviews at the retail location. Just one more victory for online shopping!

It’s a doozy this year.  I encountered Christmas decoration assembly most foul, during which I whipped out my cell phone and started shooting.  If you want to experience real comedy, check out the reviews on Lowes’ website.





Look how it dwarfs me!  LOOK!  And at nearly six feet tall, I’m a decent sized dude.   Read the rest of this entry

Christmas and the Circus because… synergy!


Christmas and the Circus because… synergy!  I mean, obviously.  When I think of Christmas decorations, my mind immediately travels to elephants performing demeaning tasks.   Read the rest of this entry

And the answer is: A mounted deer head and a spinning carnival ride (Fake Jeopardy)

I buzz in first, Alex Trebek calls on me and I answer: “What are two things you could add to your outdoor Christmas display to completely mystify your neighbors?” Read the rest of this entry

Alligator Band will play banjo music in front of your house… forever.


If you’re trying to come up with an outdoor Christmas display that will make your neighbors hate you, I’d give the 5 foot high, 7 foot wide banjo music playing light up Alligator Band a try.
I don’t understand why this exists. Am I missing something? Who wants a giant rat on their front lawn? It’s not like I’m trying to organize a union protest or something. But, if your ambition is to have a weird band on your lawn, you probably couldn’t get a real band to play for $135 for a month. Still seems pricey, though.
This doesn’t have anything to do with The Princess and the Frog, does it? I’m still baffled that this is a thing that exists.

And the answer is: A giant rubber duck and a Mr. Potato Head (Fake Jeopardy)


“What are two things your outdoor Christmas display is missing retailing over one hundred bucks each?”

This is how crazy these Christmas decorations are – I’ve turned it into some weird Jeopardy parody.  I just don’t get it and thankfully, I don’t think anyone else does, either, as I’ve yet to see these two options in the wild.

15 foot tall outdoor nutcracker decoration, because… I dunno


I’m not sure you need an exclamation point on your forehead when your 15 feet tall. I think the point has been made.
Yeah, um,  we didn’t find this in a specialty store or anything like that. This 15 nutcracker decoration is just out there, roaming the wild of big box stores. If you have a spot for this on your lawn, congratulations! You’ve done well in life.
I bet the neighborhood kids would assemble each day to watch this bad boy inflate and deflate.

I told my dog we’re going to put up the Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving – here's her reaction

“Hey Maggie, we’re going to put up the Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving!”



Star Wars and Marvel Outdoor Christmas Decorations make my brain go KABOOM!

Last year, I saw this Yoda outdoor Christmas decoration at the store and my mind was, to some degree, blown. This year, by brain is getting the Maxell treatment.

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A well balanced Christmas tree is its own reward


You can tell you’ve done a good job decorating your Christmas tree when you have both Star Trek The Next Generation and Pride & Prejudice represented.  (FYI:  I’ve also got Captain America, Superman, some Star Wars stuff…)

Is that a Christmas tree under your dress, or are you just happy to see me?


Nope, she’s not happy to see me – it is a Christmas tree.  My favorite thing about this is she’s not aware of the tree and Christmas presents.  (Or the birds that are decorating it, for that matter.)  She’s too busy reading a magazine.
That is awesome.

“Merry Christmas, I have no LEGS!”


Yep, thats what’s going on here -.Santa has no legs and this Christmas decoration officially freaks me out.  There are only two applications for this Christmas decoration:  on a table or perched in an awkward indoor sled scene.  Either way, olde timey Santa gives me the willies.

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