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Who Cast Celebrity Apprentice?


"I let my hair pick the women's team."

When it comes to reality TV, I have novice level knowledge at best. My girlfriend introduced me to “Celebrity Apprentice,” which I don’t love, but I can watch it. It’s more like a really strange game show where all the contestants are people you’ve heard of but don’t necessarily care about. (I guess it’d be poor marketing to call the show “B List Celebrity Apprentice.”) However, after watching the first episode, I can’t believe the stark contrast in celebrity level between the men and women’s teams.

Men’s Team:

Clay Aiken
I don’t recognize this guy by site, but the dude’s name is everywhere – or at least was a few years ago.

Michael Andretti

Well, I know Mario Andretti, but they made it clear that this guy was his son (apparently, their first choice was Michael’s son, but that didn’t work out), so I can at least guess he’s a race car driver – and he is. Or was.

Adam Carolla
Probably best known for The Man Show, it took me a few minutes to recognize this guy, but once he starts talking, it’ll hit you over the head

Lou Ferrigno
Obviously, everybody knows The Hulk, and if you don’t, I’m sorry for you. But the guy is around; he was in The King of Queens for all those years and did cameo’s in The Incredible Hulk and I Love You Man. Ferrigno has been famous for like 40 years and he’s still jacked like a MoFo.

Arsenio Hall
(Not to be confused with Arsenio Billingham.) Arsenio might be tough to place if you’re more than a few years younger than I am, but I don’t think any talk show burned hotter than the Arsenio Hall Show. I still remember not yet President Clinton making a campaign stop on Arsenio and jamming with the band – that was hardcore.

Penn Jillette
The most famous carny of all time, Penn & Teller is practically an institution in this country. Nobody entertains in some many different ways at the same time as Penn.

Dee Snider
For some reason, it’s impossible to get rid of the Twisted Sister. Like Arsenio, he might be hard to place if you’re younger than I am, but make no mistake, Snider is a famous dude.

George Takei
Obviously, George Takei played Sulu on Star Trek, the biggest TV show cult phenomenon ever besides also being a successful series of films. To follow that up, Takei was appointed to the board of directors of the Southern California Rapid Transit District, which planned the Los Angeles subway system, where he served from 1973 to 1984. More recently, Takei has become a voice for Gay Rights.

Paul Teutul, Sr.
If you don’t have cable, you’ll probably never see Paul Teutul’s show, American Chopper, concerning his custom motorcycle building business, which is a reality show that has been on the air since 2003. In any case, the show is wildly popular.

So these are all famous dudes and for the most part, are all household names. Then there’s the women’s team…

Women’s Team:

Tia Carrere
Like… you know… Tia Carrere… from the Wayne’s World movies… that were out 20 years ago. Like, uhm, Tia Carrere. Now you remember, right?

Debbie Gibson
She sang, “Electric Youth” back in the day, right? Tried to have a career after 1990… sure, I remember Debbie Gibson. Oh, she wants us to call her Deborah now. I’ll get right on that.

Teresa Giudice
I had to look it up – she’s a realty TV star. Great. That’s just as good as Lou Ferrigno.

Lisa Lampanelli
Now Lisa Lampanelli I know – it might be only because I live in the New York City area, but Lisa Lampanelli is a well respected stand up who’s been around forever.

Dayana Mendoza
She was Miss Universe in 2008. Don’t know how that slipped past me…

Aubrey O’Day
Apparently, she’s a ‘pop star.’ Never heard of her.

Patricia Velásquez

She’s an actress and model – and by ‘actress,’ I mean she was in The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, both of which suck harder than a Suck Machine on Sucking Day.

Victoria Gotti
She’s famous for being John Gotti’s daughter. That’s just great.

Cheryl Tiegs
I seem to remember her pimping yogurt when I was a kid, and my girlfriend says she used to be a model, so… I guess that’s the case.

Who in the hell cast this season of Celebrity Apprentice? This is horrendously disproportionate! Who let this happen?Doesn’t this show have producers? It just seems like poor planning to cut back and forth between a room of famous men and a room of women I barely recognize from one scene to the next. Oh well; I doubt it interferes with the quality of the show (and I use the term ‘quality’ loosely), but it’s a bit embarrassing to watch.

more Observations at

Five Reasons The Rapture Won’t Occur On May 21, 2011

I’ve never been a big fan of end of days theories (or End of Days, for that matter), but this time, I’m sure it’s not going to happen tomorrow, on May 21, 2011. Here are five reasons I’m not worried and why God will let the earth continue to spin:

  1. God wants to see how Celebrity Apprentice ends
  2. God wants to see if the NFL is going to go on strike or not
  3. God has a passing interest in the NBA and NHL finals, but thinks they’re both one round too long
  4. God appreciates how much I want to see the Captain America movie this summer
  5. God is enjoying Conan O’Brien’s new show on TNT and can’t bare the idea of Coco going off the air again

But, if it does happen – well, there you go – I was wrong. I’m spending the day with my girlfriend anyway, and that’s what I’d do if I was a believer, so whatever – except we probably wouldn’t be going to Home Depot if we thought the rapture was coming.

“Ah-ha! The garbage cans are in the outdoor section… Is that Jesus? Oh never mind; it’s Joaquin Phoenix.”

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