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Max movie review

The biggest problem with this film is its title.  Max tells you nothing, which is a shame, because this movie has so much to say.  But you really had to want to see the new John Cusack picture back in 2002; the movie’s release was tiny and I only happened upon it by chance as a rental way back when, but boy, am I happy I saw this flick.   Read the rest of this entry

Heil Honey, I’m Home! [tv review]

heil-honey-i-m-home-hitler-sitcom

This isn’t a review; it’s more like a public service announcement.  For some reason, I think it’s important that you know someone tried to make a situation comedy about Adolf Hitler twenty years ago. Read the rest of this entry

A Fly On The Wall: Michael Jordan And His Hitler Mustache

Welcome to A Fly On The Wall, a feature that imagines what it would be like to hear conversations that  may or may not have ever actually occurred.  This time, we’ll use our fly power to head over to Michael Jordan’s house and listen in on a conversation he may or may not of had with his agent.

AGENT:  Hey, there’s my guy!  There’s my guy!  How the hell are you, Michael?!?

MICHAEL:  Doing well.  Yourself?

AGENT:  I am fantastic, Michael – I am fantastic because right now, I have in my possession two items:  a gigantic check to you from Hanes and, of less importance, the commercials from the Flight #23 campaign.

MICHAEL:  Nice!  So you want to watch the spots or have a money fight?

mr burns mr smithers money fight the simpsons

Burns only has more money than Jordan because Burns doesn’t gamble.

AGENT:  Can’t we do both?

MICHAEL:  Ha!  Yes, but just to make sure I don’t look like an asshole, let’s light up some cigars and watch the Hanes spots first.

AGENT:  Cool.

MICHAEL:  Didn’t have one line in that spot and I’m still awesome.

AGENT:  Yeah…  uhm, yeah…  lets see the next one.

MICHAEL:  Even got a biblical reference in this one.  Nice.

AGENT:  Yeah, you did… Michael, did you shoot all of these spots on the same day?

MICHAEL:  Yep, one long, grueling day.  Why do you ask?

AGENT:  Oh my God.

MICHAEL:  What’s the matter?

AGENT:  Fuck.

MICHAEL:  What?

AGENT:  Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Holy shit, Michael!  What the hell were you thinking?

MICHAEL:  What’s wrong?

AGENT:  Fuck, Michael, do you have to ask?  You just made fifteen underwear commercials in which you have a Hitler mustache!

Hitler Mustache Michael Jordan Hitler Mustache Hanes

Pictured Left:  Crazy Person.  Pictured Right:  Crazy Mustache.

MICHAEL:  Oh that.  Yeah, I know.

AGENT:  You know?

MICHAEL:  Of course I know.  I do shave myself.

AGENT:  What the hell were you thinking?

MICHAEL:  I’m taking it back.

AGENT:  Taking it back?

MICHAEL:  Yep.

AGENT:  Taking it back.

MICHAEL:  You got it.

AGENT:  Michael, one doesn’t simply take back the Hitler mustache.

MICHAEL:  True enough; however, not everybody is me.

AGENT:  Meaning?

MICHAEL:  Meaning that bastard has held on to the look for decades – he’s been dead since 1945, and I think it’s time to take it back.

AGENT:  You can’t take it back.

MICHAEL:  The hell I can’t.  I can do anything!

AGENT:  Except hit a baseball.

Michael Jordon Chicago White Sox Baseball strikes out sports illustrated

Too bad Jordan wasn’t on the same team as Jose Canseco.

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Everything you ever wanted to know and were afraid to ask about Glen Beck

glen beckNew York Times Magazine has a dissertation (the online version is 10 “pages” long) out on Glen Beck.  If that sounds daunting, don’t worry – I’ll hook you up.  Let’s quote:

“I think what the country is going through right now is, in a way, what I went through with my alcoholism,” he told me. “You can either live or die. You have a choice.”

Am I the only person on earth who didn’t know Glen Beck was a recovering alcoholic?  That makes it even more interesting to me when people refer to him as the new Rush Limbaugh, as Mr. Limbaugh is in recovery for abusing… I forget what, pills, maybe?  And ‘live or die,’ huh?  I guess Glen Beck saw the end of Karate Kid Part 2.

It was a Wednesday afternoon in the middle of September, and Beck had just returned from a week’s vacation in the Grand Tetons followed by a quick hop to Anchorage, where he and Sarah Palin appeared at an event on Sept. 11.

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