Gotta get that International Job, right? Just open that Streetsville store and it’s all yours! “International Job!” “Streetsville!” “Melody!” Christmas! Wait, it’s Thanksgiving? I’m sure this movie is going be about Christmas at some point… Although at the start, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet!
Oh, it’s a Thanksgiving movie? It’s a Thanksgiving movie. Oh. No wait, it’s both? Read the rest of this entry
I believe it’s accurate to say that Pitch Perfect is universally liked, if not loved. 81% of reviewers and a 83% of the audience gave it a positive review (Rotten Tomatoes), so that’s at the very least a consensus that people on earth like this movie… and I have no idea why. Read the rest of this entry
Snow is an ABC original from 2004. This review is one of those cases where I remember what my mom taught me (“Wash your hands before you eat.” No, not that one. “If you two don’t pop out a grandchild for me, I’m going to freak right the funk out!” No – oh, this one: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”), but sometimes, you have to defy your mother to honor her. I can’t let her watch this movie without fair (and thorough) warning. Read the rest of this entry
Christmas Cupid is, essentially, a comedic retelling of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, which is something I’m sure everyone has seen a million times before. (Most notably done via Scrooged starring Bill Murray, which I’ve never written about before… we’ll have to get to that this year!) All you really need to know is that this movie has some decent performances, the story isn’t terrible because it’s based on Dickens and the film drags a bit – it’s lazy and mediocre, but I’ve seen worse Christmas movies… A Nanny for Christmas… don’t think I forgot about you. Read the rest of this entry
Tia Mowry faces off against cardboard cutout villain Tori Spelling in The Mistle-Tones, a somewhat self-aware comedy that is billed as a musical but is completely and totally not a musical in any way. I know, the trailer says it’s a musical in the first five seconds, but it’s not a musical. They never sing as a means of communication or about the plot and never spontaneously break out into song – they’re always rehearsing for a singing showdown that will determine who will perform at a mall on Christmas Eve. Some of the arrangements of Christmas classics are impressive (particularly The Twelve Days of Christmas – this is one of the few renditions that didn’t make me want to stick a fork in my eyes), but at times, it’s just a bunch of people singing in unison, which was an odd choice. There are a few bits that don’t make much sense – like where the hell did that parade float come from? And I guess some of the other oddness is Christmas magic… Also, you can smell the Glee all over this flick, and not in a good way.
Anyway, settle down with a few spiked soy nogs and remember that Tia Mowry has a smile that can’t be matched and forget that her life goals are sorely misguided (now have another spiked soy nog) and check out The Mistle-Tones, which I’m sure ABC Family will be running into the ground today and tomorrow. I give it a 6 out of 10.
Before we get into this mess, when did the ABC Family channel (formerly… The Family Channel? I can’t remember…) decide that it’s target demo was going to be women 12 and up? It’s nearly all chick stuff, all the time, and it’s far from family appropriate. I’ve seen ads for the following shows during various Harry Potter Weekends. (Note: that’s about every other weekend.)
Greek – a show about college fraternities and the trouble they get into; very family friendly!
Pretty Little Liars – pretty sure their Halloween episode was about the stars of the show accidentally murdering someone
Desperately Seeking Santa – More like Desperately Seeking Satan… Eh? Eh? Right?