Winchester movie review
Whenever I’m out of town and I have a few hours to kill, I go to the movies. In Jackie Brown, Max Cherry response when asked what movie he’s going to see, “Whatever start soon and looks good.” The thing is, those two choices seem to be mutually exclusive. In fact, I would go as far as to say that whatever start soon is almost never good.
Hence, I saw Winchester one fine afternoon.
And it was not good.
Now, this is hardly news. Let me explain: there’s a good chance that you never saw an ad for Winchester. Neither did I. I think the studio knew they had to turd on their hands and they decided to release this movie in February and not waste a bunch of money on marketing. So just the fact that this movie was opening and I never heard of it was not a good sign. Then, the trailers before the movie were also for mostly cheap-looking horror movies and a remake of Overboard. (I knew I was in trouble the second that woman brought that carpet cleaning machine onto that boat.)
But to be fair, Winchester is not entirely flawed. It has the basic parts of a movie, they’re just not all up to snuff. It’s the kind of movie that’s analogous to an cheap car repair: yeah my car runs, but the engine is noisy, only the left turn signal works, people have to do the breaking procedure from The Simpsons to get the car to stop. But technically, it’s still a car.
In case you’re not familiar with the subject, Winchester is about the house built by the heiress to the Winchester Repeating Arms Company and the 24-hour construction that constantly expanded the house in illogical ways: stair cases that went nowhere, doors that open to no rooms or did not open at all and so on. In the film, The rooms are built to help the spirits of the victims of Winchester rifles move on from this world to the next and the rooms are built as replicas of the rooms in which they died, because apparently there was a lot of indoor rifle fire in the 19th century.
Look, this movie is not great. A lot of the rules are underdeveloped, there’s some Yoda Lightning in it, the pace drags in a few places and the villain is less than flushed out. If you’re a big fan of the horror genre, you might like this movie and enjoy a few of the jump-scares, but Winchester is nothing special and I would say most people don’t need to see this movie.