Monthly Archives: December 2016
Clark Greg and Jennifer Grey star in The Road to Christmas, a movie with the most anti Italian bias you’re ever likely to encounter on TV. Read the rest of this entry
He’s a big city banker and she’s a… big city dance instructor. Small towns are great and big cities are stupid, but when these two dance, the sparks will fly in the Hallmark Channel’s COME DANCE WITH ME. Wait, is he doing an English accent now? WTF is going on? Holy Potato Balls, is he still doing it?
So… yeah. Come Dance With Me is a movie that exists starring Andrew McCarthy (who’s still got it, by the way) because he’s either out of money or bored and features… other actors in a technically sound yet lazily written made for TV Christmas movie because we keep watching them. Read the rest of this entry
I can’t find a trailer, but the whole damn movie is all over YouTube. At least it is for now.
It turns out that the Hallmark Channel has a subcategory for Christmas movies: Christmas mystery movies. The thing is, Finding Father Christmas is completely and totally short on mystery. Shockingly, it does makeup for this with heart. Read the rest of this entry
I have a million questions about Wish Upon A Christmas. And here they are! Read the rest of this entry
Merry Kissmiss is a 2015 Ion Television debut of the Standard Christmas RomCom variety in the sense that it steals plot points from other movies and invents new, horrible ones of its own. The difference here is that instead of stealing from a Christmas movie, they stole the opening premise from Serendipity. Let’s discuss. Read the rest of this entry
Journey Back to Christmas is probably the worst made-for-TV Christmas movie of 2016.
There, I said it. Read the rest of this entry
The Up Network presents a classic Christmas tale of an over privileged white girl who maxes out her Christmas card and must take a job walking a dog (to the dog park) in order to get herself the extravagant necklace that will enable her to keep up with her friends.
A Dogwalker’s Christmas Tale is truly a movie for the people. Read the rest of this entry
Take a dash of Cutting Edge and a smidgen of city shaming and combine with equal parts of Christmas to make the UP network’s Failing for Christmas… or is it Snow Capped Christmas? Perhaps this Canadian production was released with one title there and another in the United States? It doesn’t matter. It’s just your typical Rom Com made for TV Christmas movie schlock.
(I don’t know where that cooking metaphor came from. There’s just some cookie baking in this movie…) Read the rest of this entry
First D.J.: Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don’t forget your booties ’cause it’s cooooold out there today.
Second D.J.: It’s coooold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?
First D.J.: Not hardly. And you know, you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, that blizzard thing.
Second D.J.: That blizzard – thing. That blizzard – thing. Oh, well, here’s the report! The National Weather Service is calling for a “big blizzard thing!”
First D.J.: Yessss, they are. But you know, there’s another reason why today is especially exciting.
Second D.J.: Especially cold!
First D.J.: Especially cold, okay, but the big question on everybody’s lips…
Second D.J.: – On their chapped lips…
First D.J.: – On their chapped lips, right: Do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow?
Second D.J.: Punxsutawney Phil!
First D.J.: Thats right, woodchuck-chuckers – it’s
Both: GROUNDHOG DAY!
I mean A Christmas Wedding Date. A totally original movie that is in no way a Groundhog Day ripoff.
Also known as “City Shaming.”
This is the process by which characters in a film (usually a Christmas movie) will impose their belief that small town America is superior in every way to city life. IE, the way people behave in cities is inferior to the tradition, hospitality and decorating grandeur of rural villages. This phenomenon is especially prevalent in Hallmark Christmas movies.
About the CreativeJamie.com Dictionary:
The CreativeJamie.com Dictionary is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but never got around to until now. I had a writing college in class during which one assignment challenged us to make up our own words. I sucked at it (hard), but I loved the idea, so I’m giving it a go now.
The Hallmark Channel has really outdone themselves this time. And by that, I mean this movie has the exact same beats as every one of their Christmas Rom Coms:
- underappreciated woman has boyfriend who doesn’t understand her and/or takes her for granted
- woman meets a guy who gets her
- at end of the movie, woman stays with original guy because “he had first dibs”
OK, I might have made that last one up.
Nevertheless, warm up your clarinet and “just let it happen” as we dig into Christmas List together.
“I want to watch!”
I know you do, you freaky little kid. You’re gross. We’ll get back to him. Read the rest of this entry