Jaws 3 movie review
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the movies… it’s Jaws 3-D, which isn’t just bad, it’s bad for a Jaws sequel, which is incredible.
How do you franchise that which doesn’t merit a sequel? It’s nuts; the shark dies at the end of the first Jaws movie (sorry if I spoiled this 30-year-old movie for you), but here we go again: yet another incomprehensibly giant shark with a taste for human blood. How can a movie about a killer shark “jump the shark?” And yet, in that climatic scene where the shark breaks through the glass… yeah, a shark jumped the shark. Amazing.
Don’t get me wrong – I love the idea of an animal as the villain (or protagonist) in any flick, but it works especially well in a slasher movie because you can’t reason with a shark. A shark isn’t going to have a moment of clarity; it’s just hungry. That’s it. But franchising that idea? Not so much.
If you ever sit around and wonder why Lea Thompson agreed to star in Howard the Duck, I’m sure she just shrugged and said, “Dude, I was in Jaws 3; how bad could this be?” and signed the deal. Also embarrassed to be associated with this steaming pile is a very young Dennis Quaid and also Louis Gossett Jr., but to be clear, Louis Gossett Jr. was never young.
But what’s the deal with the movie itself? It’s populated by characters you don’t care about at a pace that would make even a slow burn enthusiast blush while showing things at inexplicable angles and featuring some of the worst special effects ever.
And by all that, I mean the movie sucks.
The entire movie is on YouTube because Universal doesn’t give a shit.