Anybody But Jeb! ep 2 review or CNN’s Republican Presidential Debate


Each candidate’s lectern will inject a mild yet pleasurable stimulant directly into their bloodstream each time they say “Reagan.”

Last time on Anybody But Jeb!, we saw Donald Trump cement his standing as the Randle McMurphy of the stage while Scott Walker’s performance pushed his numbers from “legitimate candidate” to “one of several people we’re just waiting to drop out.”  Did episode 2 change anything for these candidates?  And did Jeb do well enough to get his numbers to start swinging toward the two front-runners?  Keep in mind that the series finale episode of Anybody But Mitt! was called, “Meh, Let’s Just Go With Mitt.” 

The debate is divided into two kinds of candidates:  the ones who answer the questions (Carly Fiorina) and then ones that dribble fluff (Trump).  Here are some highlights:

Fiorina speaks well, but I don’t particularly like anything she has to say. Basically, she wants to court war with anyone that looks at us funny while defunding Planned Parenthood over the abortion issue despite the fact that only 3% of their budget has anything to do with abortions. She did give Trump a bloody lip when she easily used his “Carly has butterface” comment against him – that was fun.

Marco Rubio did his whole “I’m the real deal, look how passionate I am” and on the one hand, he’s a REALLY good actor, but on the other hand, he’s one of those dudes who just doesn’t say anything specific about what he’d do as President. “I’m running for president because I know this: unless we have the right president, we cannot make America fulfill its potential, but with the right person in office, the 21st century can be the greatest era that our nation has ever known.” Sigh, make that dude a sandwich:


Speaking of fluff, man, does Trump have anything specific to say other than his plans for illegal immigration?  And even there, he doesn’t know how he’s going to accomplish any of his goals (build a wall, deport millions, “let the good ones back in,” blah blah blah) or how much it will cost despite the fact that other people on stage were telling him how much it would cost, how long it would take and how we didn’t have the necessary personnel and so on.

Make that man TWO sandwiches.

Besides the fluff, Tump is all over the place.  When asked to respond to Fiorina’s comments about him not having the right temperament to be president, he validated her by saying, “Well, first of all, Rand Paul shouldn’t even be on this stage. He’s number 11, he’s got 1 percent in the polls, and how he got up here, there’s far too many people anyway.”  Where the hell did that come from?  Chris Christie is also at  1 percent and several of the other candidates are not faring much better, so one could easily argue for a smaller debate field, but for some reason, Trump and Christie tiptoe around each other – perhaps they formed an alliance to be the other’s running mate if one of them get the nomination.  Makes sense, Trump is great at reality television.

Speaking of Christie, he repeatedly asked everyone to stop playing games and talk about the issues but never really said anything about what he would do as president to get us back heading in the right direction.

I’d make him a fluffernutter sandwich, but I don’t want to screw with his fitness goals.

John Kasich seems like such a reasonable person… then the crazy bile flops out of his mouth:

KASICH: I called for boots on the ground many months ago in a coalition with our friends who share our interest. You know, you win a battle with the military, and when we go somewhere, we need to be mobile, and lethal. We need to take care of business, and we need to come home.

But, we face, also, a bigger war — and you win the bigger war with the battle of ideas. You wonder why young people, and educated people, rich people, schooled people, have tried to join ISIS.

Western civilization, all of us, need to wake up to the fact that those murderers and rapists need to be called out, and in Western civilization we need to make it clear that our faith in the Jewish and Christian principles force us to live a life bigger than ourselves…

TAPPER: …Thank you, Governor…

KASICH: …to make (ph) centers (ph) of justice so that we can battle the radicals, call them out for what they are, and make sure that all of our people feel fulfilled in living in Western civilization…

TAPPER: …Thank you, Governor. Dana Bash…

KASICH: …This is a giant battle in the world today…

Jake Tapper tried to put a sandwich in his mouth so he’d stop talking, but he just couldn’t stuff it in there fast enough.

Rand Paul kinda impressed me with his “Intervention isn’t always the best policy” routine.  I was surprised; he seemed so reasonable last night but in the first debate, he was kinda… you know, not.  I doubt he won anybody over last night, nor do I think Scott Walker will rebound.  These guys just aren’t that good at this whole running for president thing.  Meanwhile, Ben Carson had some interesting things to say (debunking vaccination myths with facts) and yet being crazy (basically anything he said about Planned Parenthood and half hearted embracement of Trump’s immigration plan) while lulling me to sleep with that monotone voice of his.  Mike Huckabee and Ted Cruz continued their endless quest to cement themselves as the gold standards in blowhard politicians and sleazy politicians, respectively.

Sandwiches all around.  Well… I guess Rand only gets half a sandwich because he was generally reasonable.

And finally, Trump put Jeb Bush in a position where he got the audience to clap for his brother.  It was amazing.  “You know what? As it relates to my brother, there’s one thing I know for sure. He kept us safe,” Jeb said, by which I presume he meant that war thingy which cost America a buttload in treasure and precious blood while completely destabilized the region with far-reaching implications for decades. And yet, Jeb was better this time out than he was back in August.

Wake me when Jeb wins the nominations.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of, and editor in chief of

Posted on September 17, 2015, in Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Love it! (And why aren’t you doing this for a living???) 😉

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