Advertisements

1 Reason the Republicans are in trouble (GOP Debate)

gop-presidential-primary-2015-fox-news-debate-god

If you watched the Fox News/Facebook GOP Presidential Debate, you heard more of the same:  the GOP believes that the Federal Government has no place in determining the public school curriculum but does want to regulate women’s reproductive health issues. That sort of thing.  Then there’s the Donald Trump/Megyn Kelly stuff… not surprising.  (Clearly, FOX had an agenda in the debate and boy did Trump take the bait!)  But none of this stuff is surprising.  Neither is the Facebook question above – but it is a big problem for the GOP.  I shall explain! 

Before anyone gets too upset, I want to make it clear that I don’t have any problem with faith or God or what have you.  For example, I heard an amazing story on Radiolab:  despite Darwinian theory, people risk their lives for each other even in the face of our own peril.  Now that’s not news – we call these people heroes – but from an evolutionary standpoint, it doesn’t make much sense.  One man told the story of seeing someone have a seizure on a subway platform and then tumble onto the tracks.  The man abandoned his young daughters and jumped onto the tracks and when he couldn’t pull the man to safety, he pinned the distressed man down between the tracks so that the train could travel safely pass over them.  As he leapt from the platform and into mortal danger, he briefly remembered an instance where someone had put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger – and the gun misfired.  For years, he wondered why God had spared him, but now he knew.

Let’s pause for a moment while I wipe the tears from my eyes.

You feel that story, right?  That’s incredible.

Then there’s this guy’s question:  “I want to know if any of them have received a word from God on what they should do and take care of first.”

Rrr…

OK, let me run through this again: “I want to know if any of [the GOP presidential candidates] have received a word from God on what they should do and take care of first.”

As a student of composition, I may take words too seriously, and this question was submitted in written form, not verbally, so I presume it wasn’t off the cuff, so when I see “received a word from God” I interpret said statement as exactly that.  He didn’t say “a sign,” he said, “a word.”  By “word” I presume he means “a word” or “words.”

So Fox News submitted a question to people vying to be Chief Executive of the most important country in the history of EARTH asking if they’d directly heard from God about what they should do when they become President.

To the asker:
Look, I don’t know if you’ve been watching the George Burns’ Oh God movies recently or what, but it generally doesn’t seem to work that way anymore.  If it was that easy, God would just tell us, “Hey, JEB’s gonna win the nomination” or something and save us all a lot of time and aggravation.  I mean, look at those 10 guys up there – don’t you think that if one of these guys had heard from God, they’d be telling you every five minutes?  They can’t shut up about their personal history (“My dad was a coal miner, my momma was a nurse…”), their resume (“Back when I was prosecuting terrorists”) or what they had for breakfast (“Here in Texas, we cook bacon a little differently.”), so I tend to think that if any of these men had heard from God in any fashion (fax, email, burning bush, etc), they’d be telling us.

Also, we’re talking about the religion that’s tag line is, “The Lord works in mysterious ways,” not “Hey Dogg, it’s God – I sent you a text, hit me back.”

To Fox News:
I don’t doubt that Fox News received all sorts of questions from every yahoo with a Facebook account, and I get that you want to ask the candidates about God, but sheesh, can you pick a better question?  Like…  anything?  I know Fox came out gunning for Trump with that first “Will you pledge not to run as a third-party?” question right from the get go (also, wow – Fox News made me feel bad for Donald Trump – I thought that was impossible), so maybe things were not necessarily focused on non-Trump stuff…  again, but sheesh!  Maybe something like, “Jesus said, ‘Blessed are the poor,’ which basically means, ‘Take care of the poor,’ so, how do call yourself a Christian and cut social welfare programs?”  You know, like, a question?  That’s a question.   A question someone could possibly answer, not like, “What’s your dog’s favorite breakfast cereal?”  Dude, I don’t know – some dogs love Cheerios, others won’t touch ’em…

You see, the problem is, this seems like a relevant question for a GOP presidential primary debate.  That’s the problem.  A qualification for being their candidate is a direct line to the All Mighty.  And in case I’m not being clear, this is not a reasonable request.  

See, this is what happens when I pay too much attention to Fox News – I get all confused.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go buy my dog a boat–

dog-steering-boat

Oh.

Advertisements

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on August 11, 2015, in Politics and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: