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Oh Hai, Society – Stop Telling Me Not To Get Married!

marriage-ball-and-chain

This is appropriate in society for some reason.

I’m getting married and I’m pumped up about it!  EVERYBODY STOP TRYING TO KILL MY BUZZ!  Seriously, society – what’s your problem?  Here’s my theory:

See, I feel like this… but I’m under the impression that a lot of men don’t feel this way.  Here’s why.

Society tells us men aren’t supposed to want to get married… even though society expects men to propose to the women.  While I’m still trying to wrap my head around that, let me dig into why I think this whole “ball and chain” nonsense is a thing.

1.  Most men aren’t ready to get married when they get married
I hate to break out a cliché like, “You need to be comfortable with you first,” but it’s a cliché because it’s true.  If you can’t navigate yourself, you can’t expect someone else to be any good at it.  Grow up, figure out how to function in the world, then think about asking someone to sign a contract that says they’ll love you forever.

2.  They got married too young
Life is all about experience and if you’re going to commit to a lifetime contract and you don’t have any experience, then how in the hell are you supposed to know what you want in a partner?  The answer is you don’t, even if you think you do.  Because you have no experience.

3.  Most couples aren’t together long enough before they get married
This is the big one.  Maybe Dr. MyFiancee and I took an “I’m earning a PHD” amount of time to figure our shiz out, but that’s how long it took.  We didn’t take shortcuts and there were things I felt I had to accomplish before I could be worthy of being somebody’s husband, etc, etc, and this all took time – and it was time well spent.   We know we are a good match because we have YEARS (and years) of data to back that claim up.  Based on googling and living here on the planet earth, it seems like it is not unusual for people to meet, fall in love and get married within two years or less, and I’m pretty sure that’s not long enough after careful observation and watching several seasons of Marriage Boot Camp.  One of our So you’ve decided to get married books calls these first two years of a relationship “the honeymoon period,” and if you’ve been in a relationship longer than two years, you know exactly what they’re talking about.  It’s how you handle the tough times that define your relationship; anybody can say “Everything’s great!” when everything is, in fact, great.  But the longer your together, the more likely it is you’re going to have to confront life’s challenges both internal and external, and if you can face those together and move on, then I’m betting you’ve got something.

(IE, if your first vacation together is your honeymoon, I tend to think you’re in trouble in the long-term.)

So men, I get that you’re not happy in your marriage.  This is because you done f@cked up; you got married before you were ready at too young of an age to someone you didn’t know well enough… what did you think was going to happen?

I’m sorry everyone is so jaded; I’m sorry I keep meeting all of these dads that love their kids despite not wanting them in the first place…  I’m also sorry if I punch the next person in the face who says, “Don’t do it, dude,” to me.  (Especially if you’re a relative stranger.)

You’ve been warned, men of earth – come at me if you dare, bro.

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About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on May 4, 2015, in observations and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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