The Slippery Slope that a Gay Marriage Ban could lead to


See what I did there in the title?  Folks usually make the argument in reference to legalizing gay marriage being a slippery slope to bedlam, but I’m taking it the other way!  Come at me, bro! 

Westboro Baptist Church members protest at Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia

Yeah, these people – specifically, members of the Westboro Baptist Church , a movement so unpopular that they all have to hold at least two signs when they protest to make it look like more people share their beliefs.  These are the sort of people who spew the argument, “If you let two men get married to each other, what next?  Should we let a man marry a dog?  A fish?  His fleshlight?”


Uhm… yeah, probably let this dude marry his fleshlight. All procreation isn’t a good thing.

Obviously, that’s a silly argument – two consenting adults deciding to get married is a little different to one human deciding to formalize their relationship with a sex appliance.  Just a little.

Since I never did get that law degree, I could be way off, but the way I see it is whenever a case makes it to the Supreme Court, we’re ultimately talking about the Constitution and what is and is not guaranteed to the people and what powers the state and federal government can and cannot execute.  Therefore, the case against same-sex marriage would be that the constitution does not guarantee gays their right to get married…

And that’s a problem, because that would seem to imply that states can pass any law they want that is not guaranteed by the Constitution.  I guess states can, but:


And since we’re talking about people who think banning gay marriage is a good idea (because traditional marriage is only for procreation or something… the arguments in this case are super weird because that implies if two 70 heterosexuals want to get married (#RuthBader), they shouldn’t be able to…),  I immediately have to go a trusty list of THINGS THAT ARE BANNED IN THE BIBLE!

  1. Tattoos (Leviticus 19:28)
  2. Psychics (Leviticus 19:31)
  3. Gossip (Leviticus 19:16)
  4. Something about bowl haircuts and trimming your beard… (Leviticus 19:27)
  5. Not wearing a hat… whatever “Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes” means – maybe don’t pho-distress your jeans? (Leviticus 10:6)
  6. Sexy Clothing, Jewelry, Fancy Hairstyles for Ladies (Timothy 2:9)
  7. Ogling Ladies (Matthew 5:28)
  8. The Aforementioned Nerd’s Fleshlight (Corinthians 6:18)
  9. Women speaking in church (Corinthians 14:34 )
  10. Uhm, this.   Mark 10:11–12 reads:  “Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.”  “Putteth” sounds like he put his wife in a drawer or something and then married another woman… does this mean no matter what happens, you can’t get married a second time?  Maybe that.
  11. Working on Sunday (Exodus 31:14–15)
    1. Don’t laugh – my county forbids the sale of non-essential goods or performances of likewise services on Sunday.  It’s the county’s way of making sure we don’t get any sales tax revenue once a week – it’s GREAT!
  12. Oh and Leviticus 3:17 pretty much says everyone has to be vegan.  (Or at least vegetarian.)  I’m into it!

So yeah, all that stuff is open season, right?  Unless you can prove it’s a right that’s guaranteed in the Constitution somewhere.

Oh, and there’s another question that this decision could clear up concerning one state recognizing another state’s marriage license.  Here’s your hypotheticals:

  1. Massachusetts allows gay marriage; Texas does not.  If a couple moves from one state to another – BLAMO.  Try filing your taxes now!
  2. In 49 states, you have to be 18 years old to get married.  So picture this:  you’re young, you’re in love, you get married (Again in Massachusetts  because why not? I dig Beantown, even if all their sports teams truly are the devil incarnate… it’s no accident that they’re the Red Sox.) and then you decide to move to Nebraska, where the legal age to marry is 19. KA-BLAMO!  Your health insurance probably just got SCREWED.

We should probably fix this mess, too.

I just hate the idea that we have to argue about every little thing being or not being covered by the 14th Amendment (or elsewhere).  Because it’s really starting to feel like we’re going that way.  There’s a group of people who see things changing and they don’t like it.  They want things to go back to the way they used to be, because that’s how it was in the past and they liked it fine!  The thing is, it’s not the past anymore – it’s the present.  Times change – roll with ’em or get left behind.

Westboro Baptist Church members protest at Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia

And look super mean while doing it.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of, and editor in chief of

Posted on April 30, 2015, in Politics and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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