12 Trees Of Christmas (movie review)

I couldn’t find a trailer for 12 Trees Of Christmas… but you get the idea. Although, if this video brought the question “Why would someone want this movie on DVD?” to mind, that’s totally fair. Such is Lifetime.

Somehow, they just couldn’t get Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner to make this movie. Check this pitch out – it sounds just like the sort of Rom Com they’d do – pre “McConaissance,” that is.

She’s an earnest librarian in “The Neighborhood.”
He’s a cynical businessman with plans to tear down the library in the name progress.
She likes old books, he likes new buildings –
But when an ancient German Pagan tradition/phallic symbol looms a dozen heads, everything gets turned UP. SIDE. DOWN!
This Holiday Season, Lindy Booth and Robin Dunne will be erecting more than a Tanenbaum in 12 Trees Of Christmas!

Something like that.

This movie is more about people falling in love than it is the Christmas spirit. Seriously, 12 Trees Of Christmas is all about pairing up couples and getting them all sex-a-fied. It’s too bad they forgot the Comedy part in “Rom Com.” There isn’t even bad comedy in this movie; they straight up forgot the jokes. Also, the movie doesn’t really feature 12 Christmas Trees! I can recall maybe six:

  • Boss and Janitor’s weird fantasy tree… maybe the janitor had his own food tree, too
  • Nerd and Artist’s Light Tree
  • Husband and Wife’s Toy Tree
  • Captain I’m a Bad Guy’s Irish Crystal Tree
  • Lindy Booth’s children’s Choir Tree

Maybe there were other trees in the Library, maybe there weren’t, and I guess it wouldn’t matter so much IF THE DAMN MOVIE WASN’T CALLED 12 TREES OF CHRISTMAS!

The movie also features Melanie Brown as Captain I’m a Bad Guy, which may be the flattest, least interesting character ever. And, she’s in the movie just enough to move the plot along and no more – which is probably why her character is so boring.

Another thing that annoys me about this flick is Lindy Booth’s character’s constant use of the expression “The Neighborhood.” As in, “This library means so much to The Neighborhood!” If you’re not familiar with Manhattan, I must tell you that the island is littered with dozens of neighborhoods, from oldest of the old (the Financial District is the present day spot of one of the first settlements by the Dutch) to the newest of the new (NoHo, meaning North of Houston Street). Saying “The Neighborhood” in reference to a place in Manhattan is like saying, “I’ll meet you in front of the store” in reference to meeting in a mall thoroughfare. For whatever reason, the movie just won’t tell us what neighborhood they mean, but it’s clearly rich people country – Booth’s character must be the most well paid librarian in the history of time because her apartment is amazing by any city’s standard – and, she specifically says it’s rent controlled, which somehow makes it worse.

On the other hand, the movie has quality production values. The camera moves smoothly and often, everything is well lit (well, it might be a bit too hot, but it could be worse) and framed, but it doesn’t help the paper thin script much. Still, there’s nice stuff to look at, and in a visual medium, that counts for something.

twelve trees of christmas

Except when Lifetime puts an ad for another Lifetime movie on the protagonist’s FACE.

The bottom line on 12 Trees Of Christmas is that it’s just not a very good movie. It looks nice and has decent performances, but it’s a rom com that offers no laughs and absolutely ZERO surprises. If you’re looking for something pretty and safe, then check this out, but otherwise, steer clear.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on December 4, 2014, in christmas blog posts, movie review and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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