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Meet the Santas (movie review)

The universe is an amazing place. Stars, orbiting moons, planets of extreme heat, intense cold and a little blue ball called earth where we’re all along for the ride. Star Trek calls our home sector 001 and it’s a fantastic place to hang out, full of wonders, imagination and miracles. Only in such an environment could Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus net a sequel, Meet the Santas. Join me as we explore a movie of infinite possibilities… where they essentially never leave the house.

This is the most awkward commercial ever.

So yeah… Meet the Santas is a movie that exists. It’s The Santa Clause 2: The Mrs. Clause combined with Meet the Parents… sorta. Not that those movies are cinematic gems, but when Tim Allen gets to look down his Christmas movie nose at you, you’re probably in trouble.

The characters in this movie are… blah. There’s the same ones as last time, but we also get Mrs. I’m the Bad Guy, who is Crystal Bernard’s mom. She’s a paper thin character, even for one of these kind of movies. Meanwhile, Steve Guttenberg serves up a drinking game amount of “Ho, ho, hos” as Nick, AKA Santa Claus. Seriously. If you do a shot every time Guttenberg wedges a Santa laugh into this movie, YOU WILL DIE.
I’m not kidding. Dial 9, then 1, and have someone standing by to dial 1 again when you start convulsing on your living room floor.

There’s this running joke in the movie that Nick and his dad keep using their Christmas magic to make the Christmas tree bigger as the movie goes on, and it’s… I dunno. It’s kind of a charming idea and a way to convince Mrs. I’m the Bad Guy that Santa is a real dude, but, it just kinda tugs at the logic of the movie. See, Nick has all these production problems at the north pole that constantly hamper his personal life, yet he can conjure Christmas decorations out of thin air. What a strange set of super powers, no? His only purpose in life is to bring children toys, but his super powers that came with the job don’t necessitate that occupation.

“Can’t you use your Christmas magic?”
“No. That would make an already padded movie even shorter.”

Speaking of Nick’s Christmas powers, he could use them to speed up the plot, but then, there’d be less commercial revenue for the network, and that’s never a good idea. If he’d just show Mrs. I’m the Bad Guy his magic Christmas decoration powers, the movie would be at least a half hour shorter.

Like Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus, Meet the Santas is nothing special. It’s actually better than the first one, but most of the laughs are at the expense of the flick’s lack of logic. This movie is for completists only.

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About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on December 2, 2014, in christmas blog posts, movie review and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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