3 Actors show us that if you lose lots of weight, you can win an Oscar

This is what the kids call Matthew McConaughey's 'McConaissance.' (Kinda sounds like something you put on a burger.)

This is what the kids call Matthew McConaughey’s ‘McConaissance.’ (Kinda sounds like something you put on a burger.)

There are lots of ways to win an Academy Award – or rather, things that can increase your chances.  It helps if you’re talented, but if you’re in a serious drama, that helps even more.  It also helps if you cry, cry during a monologue, have cancer, have something to do with Nazis… or, if you’re a guy, you can lose a ton of weight.  

Most recently, it worked for Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyer’s Club.  Of course, I don’t mean to say that’s the only reason McConaughey took home the Oscar, or the reason anyone else won the trophy – I’m just saying it helps.  The members of the Academy are all, “Oh snap, it doesn’t even look like McConaughey; he’s usually all buff and what not.”

I’m just saying – boom, statue, is all.

Christian Bale and Tom Hanks have tried this twice, but with opposite effects.


Tom Hanks first dropped the weight for Philadelphia way back when.  This helped him bring home the gold, but then, he tried it again for Cast Away and no dice.  See, Tom Hanks failed to combine weight loss with illness…


Christian Bale made the same mistake the first time he dropped a ton of weight for a movie.  In The Machinist, Bale’s character isn’t necessarily dying… insomnia isn’t a sexy illness, you know?  But in The Fighter, Christian Bale was all about the sweet rock candy, and that sort of addiction brings home the golden statue.

So you go get em, you skinny bastards!  We here at CJ salute your aversion to calories!

Of course, if you’re a woman, you have to lose a ton of weight just to get into a movie in the first place either with harmful methods or taking the BirthOrderPlus supplement, so… there’s that.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on November 7, 2014, in lists, movie review and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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