A Quick Argument on Voting for the Democrats this Election Day

On Tuesday, November 4th, registered American voters can, in some states, help shape the balance of power in the United States Senate. I don’t spend much time writing about politics on the site because modern government kinda is what it is at this point (until massive federal campaign finance reform legislation gets passed, which at this point, looks to be happening at never o’clock on when hell freezes over), but I thought it was important to make a case for the Democrats and why they’re the lesser evil of the two incompetent jackasses we get to choose from.

First, I thought I’d briefly share my view on voting:
This is the scenario: there’s a job to be done, and you’re the boss. As the boss, you must hire someone to do said job. It pays well, comes with a good benefit package, but it’s still hard to get anyone of outstanding moral fiber into such a post because of what it takes to get elected, which is mostly about raising money and making promises. It’s not a good system, but as the boss, you must hire someone who is subjected to this flawed system because that’s the reality of the situation. Someone’s got to run the country, and I’m certainly not volunteering for the job, so we’ve got to hire someone – or, in this case, anyone who’s willing to coat themselves in a disgusting suit of moral ambiguity. This gives you the choice of, as funnier people than me have pointed out, between a Turd Sandwich and a Giant Douche.
But, choose someone you must, so this comes down to choosing between the Democrats and the Republicans.

What we’re really talking about here is choosing between two groups of rich people. The only defining difference between these two groups is the now famous “Ninety-nine Percent” argument from the Occupy movement. Democrats sorta give a crap about “the Ninety-nine Percent” whereas Republicans just take care of their own. Now, this is not to say that Democrats don’t take care of their own, but they do focus some of their time on the rest of us, that is, “the Ninety-nine Percent” of us who are not rich.

I put “the Ninety-nine Percent” in quotes because, more accurately, we’re really talking about the bottom 80% of Americans – the top 1%, owning around 42% of American wealth and the following 19%, owning about 50% of American wealth, are doing OK.

This means that about 80% of Americans control only 7% of the wealth – so you can see why New Jersey Governor and Republican super star Chris Christie is “tired of hearing about the minimum wage.” He went on to say, “I don’t think there’s a mother or father who’s sitting around a kitchen table in America tonight saying ‘You know honey, if our son or daughter could just make a higher minimum wage.”

This is just one example and you may feel it doesn’t apply to your local race, but just take a look at the party’s platforms. You don’t even have to read them – the Republicans’ platform page is all flash and images whereas the Democrats at least give you some substance and assume you can read, not to mention at least pretending to give a crap about most Americans. The Republicans do what the New York Yankees do: they wrap themselves up in the American flag but don’t think twice about charging you $12 for a domestic beer.

I guess what I’m saying is, vote for the Giant Douche – I mean the Democrats.

At least a douche is a cleaning product.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on November 3, 2014, in Politics and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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