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Transformers: Age of Extinction (movie review)

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep watching these movies? Morbid curiosity, I guess. This time, I saw it for free on a plane, so that’s not much of a sacrifice on my part, and I guess this Transformers movie is better than the other ones, but that’s not saying much.

Now when I say this Transformers movie is better than the first three, I mean I was sort of able to follow the plot. The movie has a faster pace than the first three and isn’t nearly as visually confusing (I can tell who’s fighting who!) as these movies usually are, so that helps. Transformers: Age of Extinction is populated with some quality actors, including Stanley Tucci, Kelsey Grammer and even John Goodman voicing a Transformer. These are the sort of actors that can elevate the material, and, on some level, they did.

But: (SPOILERS)

New Transformers movie, same problem: The Autobots aren’t the protagonists
It’s the fourth time out, and Michael Bay is still serving up these stupid human protagonists that no one cares about – also, I think these big budget live action Transformers movies are the only Transformers series ever that doesn’t feature the Autobots as the protagonists.

It’s been a problem since day one and two hundred million ga-jillion dollars later, Bay and his team don’t seem to have any interest in changing the formula. This means that we’re stuck with human characters that are boring and Transformers with roles that are reduced to just something bright and shiny the movie shoves in the audience’s collective face, like jingling your car keys for a baby’s amusement.

“Hi, I’m Optimus Prime. Prepare to be murdered.”
Remember the end of Transformers: Dark of the Moon? That Transformer was in the midst of begging for mercy right when Optimus Prime killed him.

Uhm, could they stop doing that sort of thing?

I know Prime isn’t really the hero in these movies (this time out, it’s Mark Wahlberg, because… I dunno.), but does have to be a killer? Prime murders way to many humans in this movie. It’s kind of hard to have the moral high ground he’s always talking about when he’s simultaneously cleaning blood off his chasse.

Transformers: Age of Extinction has a lot of problems, but rather than dissect them all, I’ll drop them in rapid fire fashion:

They should have called it “Age of Explosions” or “Age of Product Placements” or, to a lesser extent, “Age of American Flags.” What I’m saying is, there are a ton of explosions, product placements and American flags in this movie. Too many of all of the above.

Did they really have to whip out the Romeo and Juliet law? That’s super creepy. I appreciate that Nicola Peltz is a young lady, but her role doesn’t have to be sexualized.

I don’t quite get why Tucci’s character was allowed to live but Grammer’s had to die. I guess Tucci reformed, but he did some crazy evil shiz – doesn’t he deserve to be punished? I guess the screenwriter didn’t think so.

Speaking of writing, the dialogue… wow. It’s really bad. And the product placements are sooooooo forced. The beer one is the worst, but seriously… take your pick.

Is there any music in this movie? I can’t remember. There probably is, but it’s so generic I didn’t notice.

Banks will send Real Estate Agents to sell your house with potential buyers in toe before they foreclose on your mortgage… wait. No they won’t. That is not a thing. Everything in this movie takes five minutes when it should take five seconds. All that needed to happen was for Mark Wahlberg to get a letter in the mail with a big read “FORECLOSED” on it. Instead, we get a silly scene with a racial stereotype Real Estate Agent and Wahlberg threatening the innocent buyers who have no idea what’s going on… oy. Anyway, my way takes five seconds – that’s why this movie is frickin’ long!

The new Transformers that just do the swarm Transform… that sucks. That defeats the purpose of Transformers. If I can’t watch them Transform… ugh. Just. Ugh.

There’s some really cool images in this flick, but I think I speak for everyone when I say we’d all be happy with a nice and tight 90 minute Transformers movie next time out.

The movie didn’t put me to sleep – yeah, that’s the bar with these flicks. Transformers: Age of Extinction is the least boring in the franchise; if you watch it, you won’t claw your eyes out. I give this one a 6 out of 10; if you love Transformers and/or pointless action movies with amazing visuals, than watch it – everybody else should steer clear.

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About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on October 22, 2014, in movie review and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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