Thoughts on Game of Thrones, episode 4, season 2
I hope no one finds this offensive, but my theory that Game of Thrones is written, directed and produced by the world’s smartest twelve year old boys has been confirmed by this episode.
“You know what Lord of the Rings needed? More boobs.”
“But there aren’t any boobs in Lord of the Rings.”
“Yeah, and it’s got a lot of other problems, too.”
I’ve been developing this idea in my mind that a group of the world’s smartest twelve year old boys got together and adapted a series of books to not only include what they felt was missing from Lord of the Rings but also to bring in some elements from The Godfather series as well. It’s like a recipe: mix Lord of the Rings and The Godfather well, add one cup each of boobs, violence and gore. Bake at 425 for 10 hours a season.
Something like that.
That establishing shot of the prison really looks something out of Lord of the Rings
Speaking of Lord of the Rings, that prison they take the Knight’s Watch candidates to really looks like something out of the aforementioned series. It just stuck out; it didn’t look like it belonged in this universe at all. I know this is a fantasy series, and we’ve seen giant wolves and digital dragons – some nice sets, nice locations, and some crappy looking sets, too… but I dunno. This shot really jumped out at me – I must reiterate, it looked like it was from a completely different show.
Demon Smoke Baby?!?
And then the priestess lady dropped a fully grown smoke monster out of her vagina.
I hate to use the same cliche expression again, but speaking of something that looked like it was from a completely different show… wow. What were they smoking when they decided to include this scene? We’d already gotten our obligatory boobs in for the episode… I guess it’s central to the plot and can’t be removed… as a Demon Smoke Baby usually tends to be… yeah.
Sit down, Season 2. It’s time for us to have a talk.
Look, Season 2, you’re a young show, and you’re still growing – you’re going through a lot of changes right now. That’s OK. But, at the same time, you’ve got to find a balance. The obligatory boobs, violence and gore is one thing, but now you’ve got a lady dropping a fully grown smoke monster out of her vagina… You’ve got more plot threads then Grandpa’s lucky sweater going… At some point soon, you’re going to be an adult and I’m going to have to ask you to get it together. Close off a thread. Deliver the epic battle you keep promising. Try to get the boobs, violence and gore to serve the plot instead of waving them around like a shinny thing for a baby to coo at.
And some new CGI people to fix up those baby dragons.
“I want to be king!”
“No, I want to be king!”
I guess the idea of brothers fighting over the crown feels cliche to me, but worse, it also doesn’t seem pragmatic. I think the older brother’s terms are acceptable and palatable for the younger brother: why not combine forces, take king’s landing and be the older brother’s successor? The older brother isn’t exactly a spring chicken – he could easily be killed in the war, and let’s not forget, the previous king was killed by a really big pig – sure, he was probably poisoned, too, but nevertheless, the older brother’s plan is a good one. (Plus, he has a Secret Smoke Baby Monster.) They just sound like refined, squabbling children to me, but I guess that’s just how it has to be. Ambition conquers logic, I guess. It’s not far fetched, it just seems unreasonable.
It’s not just that there’s another city and more people to learn, but thirteen of them? I kinda feel like the show is mocking my stupidity at this point. As in, “Having trouble keeping up? How ’bout this?!?” I guess Super Blonde Dragon Lady need a benefactor and this city will do as well as any.
Where as last season’s end was super predictable, the Secret Smoke Baby Monster really throws a wrench in the deal. I’ll have to keep watching!