G.I. Joe: Retaliation (movie review)

The more I think about G.I. Joe: Retaliation, the more I realize I’ll just end up repeating the same points I’ve made about most twenty-first century movies: "watchability" and running time.

The movie starts off well enough; the film works hard to establish the relationship between Dwayne Johnson (Roadblock) and Channing Tatum (Duke) as well as to paint D.J. Cotrona’s Flint as a wreckless sort of a fella… but after the first half hour or so, the movie runs out of steam. As far as I can remember (and I just saw the damn movie a few days ago), none of the characters have arcs, it takes forever to get Cobra Commander into the flick, and the most compelling part of the movie (the conflict between Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes) is underutilized. We end up focusing most of our time and the far less interesting plot concerning the impostor president and… I dunno, whatever he and Cobra Commander are up to, aided by Fire Fly, who is equally boring.

That’s the thing; it’s so hard to care about anybody in this movie not named Storm Shadow or Snake Eyes because they’re such boring, flatly drawn characters. Dwayne Johnson and Bruce Willis are just too even toned, D.J. Cotrona and Adrianne Palicki’s characters lack passion… there is a lot at stake in the plot, but none of the characters are interesting, so by the time you reach the one hour (or so) mark, you’re just kinda waiting for the movie to end.

Also, the final action sequence just isn’t very exciting. (They tried; there are some cool G.I. Joe looking vehicles, but… meh.)

OH, and speaking of the one hour mark, G.I. Joe: Retaliation is 110 minutes long! That’s at least 20 minutes longer than a movie based off a cartoon series that was created to sell toys needs to be.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation isn’t a terrible movie, it’s just too long and too flawed and you just can’t get invested in the characters, so it falls flat. OK, I guess it sorta is a terrible movie, but I’ve seen worse. I give it a 3.5 out of 10 – it’s watchable, but it’s sorta boring.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on May 14, 2014, in lists, movie review and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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