6 reasons Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is lame (movie review)

After applauding the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and then saying that the third TMNT installment isn’t the worst thing ever, it’s time to finally hit rock bottom with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. Let’s count the reasons this movie doesn’t work. 

1. New Costumes? New Lighting? New Tone
I can’t decide if it’s that this movie has a much brighter color palette or if the costumes are different, but it seems to me that the bandannas are brighter and much longer in this movie – the snouts and eyes seem bigger on the turtles this time around, too, but maybe that’s just because the lighting is brighter over all. The somewhat realistic/gritty lighting from the first movie is long gone. Everything in this movie looks like a studio or a back lot unless they’re blatantly in front of a New York landmark. The turtles also rarely use their weapons, which, I suppose, makes the movie less violent on some level. Apparently, a lot of parents were unhappy with all of the violence in the first movie and Raphael shouting “Damn!” all the time.

2. New April
Paige Turco files in the role of April in this second flick and frankly, the new April sucks. She has little passion, drive or anything to do in this movie after the first act. It’s a dud all around.
3. Corey Feldman
I guess Corey Feldman wasn’t available to do the second movie? I dunno what happened there – he did Donatello’s voice in the third one… the new guy is OK, but Feldman was better.

4. Tokka and Rahzar/Bebop and Rocksteady
This is just a colossal f#ck up. I dunno if there was a licensing issue or what, but as a kid, I can’t begin to explain to you how frustrated everyone was that Tokka and Rahzar weren’t Bebop and Rocksteady from the cartoon. It was kinda neat that the Turtles couldn’t out fight them so they had to outwit them, but ultimately, it doesn’t work.

5. Vanilla Ice

What crazy person thought this was a good idea? This is one of those moments where a movie comes to a grinding halt. At least it came in handy years later.

6. Super Shredder’s plan was what now?

The final climax of this movie… I dunno what happens. Shredder drinks mutagen and gets all jacked up, but then, he just commits suicide… didn’t he see the first movie? He was holding his own pretty well against the four of them, but with his super muscles, he should have been able to mop the floor with them… Maybe the turtles were supposed to trigger the peer collapse, but the producers didn’t want them to look like murderers? I dunno. This ending is balls.

The only positive things I can say about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is it’s not that long and it sorta has all of the parts a movie should have, even if it’s not done very well. There are some decent jokes, but the action is lacking and the story is poorly executed. I give it a 3 out of 10 – or, 3 ice cubes out of a tray or something. There’s a weird ice motif in this movie!

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on May 12, 2014, in lists, movie review and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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