Media Outlets Insist Disney Channel’s Jessie is "breaking new ground," but it’s just BS

The AP (as well as ABC News, but that’s Disney owned, so whatever) has a story out explains that the titular character of The Disney Channel’s Jessie will get engaged over a coming four episode arc. This is, somehow, news… in a world where passenger jets disappear and the conflict over Ukraine flirts with a third world war, this is what we’re going with. And then there’s the picture they posted with the article. Hold on a sec, I need to go put my anit-manipulation suit on.

In case you’re not familiar with Jessie, it’s about a young lady who moves to New York City because… I dunno, her dad didn’t want her to, “So f@ck you, Dad!” and she gets a job as the nanny of four stereotype cutout children (they’re all even different colors so you can tell them apart easily) of jet-setting parents who don’t seem interested in the kids at all… and I pretty sure she has no training and is in no way qualified to supervise children.

Hilarious antics ensue.

While we’re doing diligence, the Associate Press “is an American multinational nonprofit news agency headquartered in New York City. The AP is owned by its contributing newspapers, radio and television stations in the United States, all of which contribute stories to the AP and use material written by its staff journalists.” Because most nonprofits have giant buildings on West 33rd Street in Manhattan.

Here an excerpt from the article in question:

The title character of “Jessie” heads in an unprecedented direction for a Disney Channel series: toward the altar.
In a four-episode arc that will conclude the season this fall, 22-year-old Jessie Prescott dives into a whirlwind romance and accepts her boyfriend’s proposal of marriage.

It’s the first time a lead character on the children’s TV channel has become engaged, said Adam Bonnett, Disney Channel executive vice president of original programming.
“Jessie is an adult, and we felt we could tackle this in a way that still feels appropriate for our audience,” Bonnett said. The Disney Channel focuses on children ages 6 to 11, with “Jessie” also attracting 9-to-14-year-old “tween” viewers among its average weekly audience of 2.9 million viewers.

It ranks among the top five series for children and younger teenagers, according to Nielsen company figures.

See, Disney Channel characters don’t get married because they’re almost all children, so yeah, Disney doesn’t include a lot of child marriages in their programming. I’m not saying it’s inappropriate for children 6 to 11 to hear about marriage, but any show with a laugh track is bound to be full of wedding night jokes – good parents. Good. Luck.

What really aggravates me is they tricked me into clicking on the article with this picture.

See, I thought they were going to have Jessie marry this young lady, and yeah, that qualifies as news, breaking ground, whatever. But instead, it seems (or at least as far as I can tell) that this is a random publicity photo from the show they just happened to post with the article title “Disney Channel’s ‘Jessie’ breaks romantic ground.”

Yeah. Randomly.

And, speaking of ‘random,’ between the article and the show’s Wikipedia page, I was able to piece together that she’s marrying the building’s doorman, who is in every single episode of the show. So obviously, featuring this article with a photo of Jessie and the Doorman was out of the question.

You win, Disney – you win, AP! I clicked on the article! You got your precious banner impression and ad revenue. Bully for you! It’s my fault, really, for expecting a Disney Channel series to take a chance and do something bold. Give me a call when you air the episode of Neverland Pirates featuring Jake realizing that he’s been the bad guy the whole time because Pirates are not supposed to be a positive influence on children.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of, and editor in chief of

Posted on April 17, 2014, in Disneyland blog posts, tv review, walt disney world blog posts and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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