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The Host (movie review)

After watching The Host on Netflix streaming, I can only give it the lowest compliment one has to offer a movie: it’s better than Twilight.

Stephenie Meyer’s writing is what it is at this point. After five Twilight movies, we should all know better than to expect anything from her, but to be fair, I do see minimal improvement here. Saying that The Host is better than Twilight is akin to saying that the Revolutionary War was better than the Civil War because less people died in the former than the latter… but lots of people still died. Where Twilight is an unmitigated, passionless disaster that feels like it will never end, The Host is merely a bad movie. How bad is it? The story makes no sense and the character’s motivations are baffling; I have no idea why anyone does anything in this movie.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

See, the trailer tells you that this is a love story, because otherwise, you’d have no idea. That’s one of the problems with this movie; it has to tell you a lot, but there are lots of things it never tells you, so you just have to guess or ignore it. Then there’s the stuff that just doesn’t make any sense – the car chase, for example. These guys are being chased by the aliens – the humans are in a big moving truck and the aliens are in these tiny sports cars. Rather than be taken alive, they commit suicide by crashing the truck into a wall at high speed. Yet, there is a second truck in their convoy, and they simply just smashed into the sports car, because the humans are in a big moving truck and the aliens are in these tiny sports cars. That’s what happens when sports cars get hit by trucks – they get smashed. It’s easily the most pointless suicide in movie history.

Then there’s the antagonist, The Seeker – this lady is useless. She is all about exterminating the resistance, but there’s no reason to find or exterminate the resistance, because the war is over – finding the remaining humans is a mopping up job at best. We’re talking about maybe 30 or so people with pistols and shotguns – I think I saw one automatic rifle in the aforementioned truck scene. The humans pose no threat at all. These people make the Mexican Drug Cartel look like telemarketers. Anyway, the idea is The Seeker wants to find the Melanie/Wanda lady because she thinks this will help her learn how to fight her own host, who, it is revealed much too late int he film, is also resistant to her, just as Melanie is to Wanda. This makes no sense because Melanie and Wanda don’t even understand their own relationship or how it’s even happening in the first place, so it’s impossible that she could be of any help, and since The Seeker is having the same experience, she knows that already.

So… stupid.

I mentioned before that I can’t figure out why anyone does anything. For example, the resistance takes way too many chances – they have food and water… just stay inside, a-holes! But they’re constantly outside. I don’t know what they were doing outside when they found Melanie/Wanda, I don’t know why they keep going to the store (which says ‘STORE’ on the exterior of the building in giant letters because aliens) or why they go for walks… or the answer is, everyone in this movie is an idiot. When you’re in hiding, stay hidden! The aliens have mastered interstellar travel, symbiotic life among multiple species, but can’t find a few dozen people in a desert. It’s ridiculous.

There’s some film making problems: I can’t tell the love interests apart. I am constantly getting them mixed up because:

  1. they’re similar looking dudes
  2. they both play their characters in almost the same way (one dude yells more)
  3. the parts are not especially well written – and are written in similar ways
  4. neither the director, costume designer, screenplay writer nor anyone else bothered to help the audience separate them

But still, there’s some stuff to look at (scenery, sets), and the actors are trying – as opposed to Twilight, where almost no one was trying. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen, but The Host is crap – I’m giving it a 3 out of 10.

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About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on March 26, 2014, in movie review and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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