Balls of Steel (product review)


There’s whiskey, scotch or bourbon – as far as I’m concerned, we’re talking about variations on the same thing.  The thing is, most people don’t like to drink it room temperature.  Sometimes I do, but sometimes I want it cold.  Ice doesn’t work (for two reasons I’ll explain in a sec), so what’s a guy to do?  There are alternatives, and for reasons that will become apparent in a moment, Balls of Steel is my preferred booze cooler.

Let me break down this whole “ice doesn’t work in booze” problem.  First of all, ice is too cold.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is.  The colder you make something, the less flavor you’re able to experience.  (Hence, Coors Light tastes like water.)  Also, I’m always a little cold anyway, and I don’t want to be chilled to freezing, or below freezing, or whatever temperature ice is – it’s too cold for me.  But besides the temperature impact on flavor, the ice waters down the drink and modifies the drink’s taste yet again, and if I wanted to drink something watered down, I certainly wouldn’t be paying for Maker’s Mark.

There are alternatives to ice – there’s Balls of Steel and… I dunno, these rocks things.  Look, they’re rocks.  I’m sure they’re not rocks that somebody dug out of the ground, but I’m drinking (for me) relatively expensive bourbon, and I’m just not going to put anything that even remotely resembles a rock.  I’m not doing it.  Hence, I’m a Balls of Steel man by default.

Now, do they work?  Yes, they do work.  I don’t think they bring your drink down to the temperature an ice-cube would, but as I discussed before, I DON’T WANT THAT!  And, as far as I can tell, they do not alter the drink’s taste in any way.  Also, because it’s an ironic pairing, Balls of Steel is working to promote testicular cancer awareness, so that’s always a nice thing to do.  (Testicular Cancer is one of the cancers that you can beat if you get out in front of it soon enough in an “early detection is the key” sort of way.)

Tips for those that purchase Balls of Steel:  Read the Directions!
I guess it goes without saying that any time you get a new product, you should read the directions, and this is true enough for Balls of Steel just as it would be for anything else.  I should mention that the directions are hilarious since they first proclaim:

Balls of Steel – your new set of balls

These folks know me too well.

Anyway, the directions clearly state that you should remove the balls after a few minutes and leave them in the glass the entire time you’re drinking.  I’m sure they wouldn’t put this in the directions unless it was necessary, so make sure you do that.

It’s about time to wrap this up.  If you’re in the market for a whiskey/scotch/bourbon/wine/whatever chiller, think about giving balls of steel a try.  Chilling your drink without modifying the taste is where it’s at!

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of, and editor in chief of

Posted on March 5, 2014, in observations and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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