Google Uses the Power of Triangles and the Letter G to Control the Universe

I’m a happy Google user. I like their products and nitpicking aside, I don’t have any complaints. We live in Google’s world now – we just sort of woke up here one day, but how’d that happen? It’s simple: triangles. Google has utilized the power of the triangle and repetitive use of the letter G to take over the world!

Triangles, as you well know, have long been revered as mystic symbols by both the ancient and modern world because, unlike a circle or a square, you can turn a triangle 90 degrees and it looks different while the other shapes do not. Obviously. Duh. Pointing a triangle up means male, down means female… opposite stuff like that. And then there’s stuff that comes in threes, like the past, present and future, celebrity deaths and, of course, the Holy Trinity (Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Joe DiMaggio.) Anyway, triangles are gangsta.

As aforementioned, Google runs the world: they disseminate information (and doodles!) and own some of the most popular websites on the web. (Google.com is number one and YouTube.com is number 3, so that means pretty much everyone uses Google for something. Oh, and BlogSpot.com is number fifteen, so… yeah, also Google.) Just accept that Google is the most powerful entity on earth (followed closely by Michael Bloomberg, who some how changed the New York City term limit law so he could run for another term) and now focus on how they did it: again, triangles. You think I’m joking? I am NOT joking! Look at their icons! Look at all the triangles! You might say, "Oh, that’s just poor design – they all look so similar, I can barely tell them apart. It’s a good thing YouTube and Play aren’t on the same line in that new drop down! And why does the icon for Drive look like the recycle symbol? Anyway, the triangles are a coincidence."

To which I respond: I DISAGREE, SIR/MADAM! Look how many triangles they wedged into the Play icon! And the Google maps icon! That’s no mistake! And the Drive icon is really just a big triangle pointing up (So Drive is a dude?) instead of pointing to the right like YouTube and Play! Look how they wedged a triangle into the News and Calendar icons! Those don’t need to be there! And GMAIL! LOOK AT THE GMAIL ICON! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!

While I’m talking about the icons, Search and Google+? I can barely tell you guys apart. I know Google is all about the G, but somebody needs to fix that. And I get that Mr. G has some sort of weird malevolent-funk, hypnotic power, but… I…

Oh Golly, that’s Good how Great the letter G is…

What was I saying? Oh yeah, it’s all Triangles and Gs, and it’s how they maintain power. You might not believe me now, but when Google opens a new world headquarters that’s shaped like a pyramid and has a giant G on each side, maybe you’ll begin to understand exactly what’s happening here… but by then, it’ll be too late. We’ll all be wearing Google Glass, watching YouTube on our Android phones and tablets while ordering the latest Chrome Cast on our Chrome Books while simultaneously using voice to text to document our thoughts on BlogSpot.

Huh, I suddenly have an irresistible desire to join the tips of my thumbs and then the tips of my index fingers together… no. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on December 27, 2013, in observations and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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