Tips for Men on Relationships and Christmas Gifts

Hi Guys,

I know, this Paco Rabanne commercial is confusing, but don’t worry – I’m gonna break this shiz down for you.

1. Don’t keep your woman locked in a vault. Besides all of the obvious moral objections, you’ll literally go to jail for a thousand years. (Anytime anyone says anything about “a thousand years,” I think of that song from Twilight .)

2. If you can bend matter to your will by snapping your fingers, you need to be doing something more productive with your life – you know, rather than subjugating women.

3. Observe the laws of physics at all times, fellas. For example, if a dress dropped off a woman, her legs and feet should be visible. If, on the other hand, you can turn people invisible… again, you should be doing something other than subjugating women. (Also, just in general, don’t subjugate women. I cannot stress that enough.)

4. Don’t turn women gold! Jesus! Didn’t you idiots see Goldfinger?

5. Even if you can turn off lights by snapping your fingers, The Clapper beat you to it. By several decades. This just makes you look foolish.

Anyway, I presume this 1 MILLION INTENSE is a fragrance for women, but I don’t actually know for sure (and there’s no way to find out here in the 21st century…), but if I was a lady and some guy got me this as a gift based on this commercial, I’d be pissed. For shiz.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of, and editor in chief of

Posted on December 5, 2013, in christmas blog posts, lists and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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