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X-Men: The Last Stand aka X-men 3 (movie review)

I guess you could say that X-Men: The Last Stand is a case of “More X-Men, more problems.” Or, in some cases, less X-Men, more problems…

This is a pure spoiler discussion here – the movie is seven years old, after all.

Let’s start with the ‘more’ side of the issue.

Storm
After the first film, Halle Berre completely forgot how to play Storm. (In the first movie, Berre seemed to remember she was playing a mutant from Africa, but in the next two flicks, it’s just Halle Berre as a mutant.) It didn’t stick out so much in X-Men 2 because she’s merely a supporting player without much of a story of her own, but in X-Men 3, it’s on full display for everyone to see. There’s a difference between building a character for a performance and just memorizing your lines and delivering them as the scene dictates. And as much as it annoys me, this is one of the minor problems in the film.

Angel

This entire story arc is completely uninteresting and feels tacked on. Perhaps it was there to give motivation to Angel’s father motivation, but.. couldn’t he just hate mutants like all the other racist people? I hate the Angel thread – it sticks out like a sore thumb.

Beast

Kelsey Grammer as Beast/Hank McCoy is perfect casting, but he didn’t get to solve anything, do something with science… or with politics, for that matter. He just went to meetings that served as exposition for the movie. Bummer – missed opportunity.

Various Members of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (or whatever they’re called in this incarnation)

So, we’ve got Maddrox (the Multiple Man), who essentially does nothing… Juggernaut, who does remind us that he’s the Juggernaut (“Bitch!”), so there’s that. And miss “I’m really fast… on an unrelated note, I can sense mutants.” Yeah, these characters are useless. Multiple Man adds a moment of comic relief, ‘miss’ helps advance the plot here and there and Juggernaut… I guess pushes the action along, making him the Sabertooth of this movie, but he’s used less effectively, which I didn’t think was possible.

Holy Hell, you hired a third actress to play Kitty Pride?

Why is Kitty played by a different actress in every movie? She’s barely in the first two and admittedly, Juno is a much better actress than any of the previous Kitty actresses are, but… blah. She doesn’t really have anything interesting to do except create a love triangle between Rogue and Bobby… that never materializes. Another missed opportunity.

And now for the ‘less’ side of the problem:

Rogue

Rogue really fades away after the first movie – she’s barely in the last one. Again, the love triangle could have been interesting, but what we get in the film is Bobby looking like someone he’s not, Rogue looking weak (again, something she’s not), and Juno’s just… I think she says she’s homesick, sad the professor is dead… yeah, we’ll get to that one.

Scott

Why in the hell would I want to watch an X-Men movie without Scott? I know he left the project to follow Brian Singer to Superman Returns for some reason (tired of covering his eyes?) Still, it’s just sloppy story telling, not to mention that I have no idea why Jean killed Scott… it does illustrate that she’s nuts, but why, exactly? We’ll get back to that. Anyway, you can end a movie with a hero’s death (see Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan or X-Men 2 for examples of this – very similar endings), but starting with a hero’s death is bizarre and unsatisfying, especially when it’s kinda meaningless and unmotivated. It does show us that Jean is totally crazy now.

Professor X

Again, killing a hero in the middle of the movie (rather than the end) is totally unsatisfying, particularly when it means almost nothing and is unmotivated. The audience already knew Jean couldn’t be saved – she had already killed Scott. Also, the Professor X we met in the first two movies would never do the things he did to Jean. Ever. And Jean was powerful enough to stop him at the time he did it! SUCKS!

Let’s more on to Story problems.

Ultimately, the problem with X-Men: The Last Stand is that it’s totally unsatisfying. I wouldn’t say it’s boring, but everyone is either unmotivated, illogically motivated, out of character or not serving the story in any way. (That last one goes double for Angel.)


Jean’s
mutation saved her from death… that’s fine. Why, exactly, is she nuts now? I don’t get it. Why does having bad ass powers make her nuts? She didn’t seem nuts when she was a little girl, and as a kid, she didn’t have the experience to deal with her abilities… meh. It’s just stupid. And she didn’t seem to have dual personalities… just sometimes, she’d be an asshole. For example, in the scene where Erik tells her that the X-Men want to control her, she seems calm and in control – why would she be there, hanging out with them if she wasn’t the Phoenix? Isn’t the Phoenix different? Because the character in that scene didn’t seem different from Jean. Meh. Interesting idea, but it just doesn’t work. I get that they couldn’t do the Phoenix story as it appears in the comics, but this was a disaster.

Nice try on the Wolverine story, but it just doesn’t work. Sure, his story with Jean is interesting, but Jean’s story in itself is confusing and uninteresting, so that negates his conflict a bit. Ultimately, Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine is the only thing worth watching in this movie.

So that’s it. This movie sucks the big one and, like Matrix Revolutions, is a totally unsatisfying ending to the trilogy. Still, it’s watchable – it has… you know… stuff in it. It’s not boring, but it certainly is stupid. Oh well. Hopefully, Days of Future Past will redeem this turd.

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About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on August 15, 2013, in comic book reviews, movie review and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Nice review. The biggest problem is the three major character deaths: Cyclops, Jean, Professor X. That’s a lot of dead X-Men for seemingly random reasons.

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