Internet FAILS: Finding a gift
Ever search for something on the internet and not find it? That’s bull donkey, right? It’s the twenty-first century – hurry up and solve my problems, technology! But no – today on Internet FAILS, I’ll try to find a gift for Dr. Girlfriend and have no luck.My first stop was uncommongoods.com, but all they had was a bunch of uncommon crap.
Pinterest said I should… uhm… OK, I have no idea what this means. Still not sure I understand exactly what Pinterest is or who it’s for.
WiseGeek.org’s first suggestion was to check out Uncommon Gifts. Yeah, next please.
RedEnvelope.com recommended a newspaper book full of things that happened on the day you were born, or, as I like to call it,”Here’s a coffee table book. I know nothing about you at all and have no wish to learn. Here’s something to flick through when you’re too sick to get off the couch.” I could also call it ‘How to get intentionally dumped AND hit in the head with a heavy book,’ but let’s try not to encourage violence on what should be a day of celebration.
Gifts.com recommends that you get the professional lady in your life a stapler that looks like someone sitting on a toilet.
Take it away, Q-Bert:
NOTE: other hilarious suggestions I saw included Pretty Woman (a film about a prostitute… who does prostitute stuff because her roommate’s a drug addict and lost all their money – happy birthday!), gardening gloves (“Happy Birthday, Honey! Now get to work!”), perfume on just about every list (“Happy Birthday, Honey! Quick, put this shit on, you smell!”), a sponge holder and an anniversary diary – presumably so your woman can keep track of how disappointing you are.