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Monthly Archives: June 2013

"Nothing" by The Script (what in the hell is this song about, anyway?)

nothing-the-scriptMusical Artists: think long and hard before you title a song ‘nothing.’ Make sure that you really, really want ‘nothing’ to be the title of your tune because you’re leaving yourself wide open to all sorts of puns and ridicule just on that one facet alone. Then one hears the lyrics and the real comedy begins. Read the rest of this entry

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Google invites you to taste the rainbow, Gay Marriage style

If you didn’t already notice, when you search ‘gay marriage‘ at Google, the site whips out a rainbow boarder. It’s the best thing since searching "Do a barrel roll"

Feeding Frenzy (movie review)

Feeding Frenzy is the horror comedy I always wanted but never realized I needed… kinda like The Dark Knight, I guess. Yeah, I seem to be comparing this movie to TDK on an entertainment value level, so that’s how this review is going to be.

Red Letter Media veterans Rich Evans (story), Mike Stoklasa (writer/co-director) and Jay Bauman (story/co-director) all star alongside principle players Ron Kipski and Gillian Bellinger in a silly rubber puppet monster movie. Who are the monsters? I’m not sure. Where did they come from? I have no idea. How did an elderly, handicapped man keep them contained for so long? It doesn’t matter – the movie is so funny and entertaining that any little details like that (which may actually be explained in the film and I’ve forgotten) hardly matter.

Read the rest of this entry

Everything on Weather.com Frightens Me

I’m only giving you the small version (below) of yesterday’s Weather.com news feed because the large version is too scary! I’ve forgotten what it was, but story number 2 was so scary that they had to replace it with a different story so their top four stories weren’t scaring their users so badly that they turned off their computers and ran out of the room screaming. Look at this: scary sea monsters, negligent humans, damaging storms… it’s all gloom and doom! All I wanted to know was if it was going to rain in the afternoon or not – instead, Weather.com scared a year off my life!

The ending screens of Ghosts ‘n Goblins (NES game)

Because the NES arcade port of Ghosts ‘n Goblins is frigging impossible (I assume all versions of the game are impossible, but this is the only one I’ve tried), here’s what the end looks like. Just to make it clear how hard it is to finish this game, you don’t get to see this ending (spelling errors and all) unless you beat the game twice. Yeah, because finishing this impossible bastard the once isn’t hard enough! And isn’t that a kick in the junk? You beat the game twice and they can’t even have the decency to spell the congratulations text correctly?

That is weak sauce. F U, G ‘n G!

Understanding The Village Voice’s Slideshows (Fireworks and Bass on the Hudson)

If you don’t live in the New York Area, then you may not be familiar with The Village Voice or their website and one of its regular features, the slide show. These slide shows function like bad high school year book ‘Just for fun!’ sections and, like a high school year book, they only make sense to the people who were there at the time. Take Fireworks and Bass on the Hudson as an example – it looks like the sent a photographer to an event, told her to take as many photos as possible and make sure she told everyone they could see them on VillageVoice.com in an effort to generate as many page impressions as possible – because just look at these photos! There is nothing interesting happening here – aside from that one kid’s Koopa backpack.

And of course, we have the obligatory photo of young ladies dancing, proving once again that if one must put their hands in the air, one must do it in a manner consistent of not caring, because they look pretty silly to me – but then, such is the fate of most still captured dancing.

Snow White and the Huntsman (movie review)

snow-white-and-the-huntsmanIt doesn’t get any more surprising than Snow White and the Huntsman – at least, not for me. Between Kristen Stewart and the fact that this is an action movie based on Snow White, I wasn’t expecting much, but this is a solid action movie.

Despite the title of the film, I would guess that Charlize Theron (as Ravenna, the evil witch) has the most screen time out of anyone, and she gives a performance that is never over the top, but still intense. Chris Hemsworth has no trouble playing a character that is something of an anti-hero and Kristen Stewart – my God, Kristen Stewart closes her mouth a few times! It’s like she’s acting in this movie, and after sitting through those five Twilight movies, I was beginning to think she’d forgotten how. Read the rest of this entry

The Great Gatsby (movie review)

the-great-gatsbyWe saw The Great Gatsby in 3D, and I have to say, it’s the most visually stunning 3D movie I’ve ever seen – and it’s a good flick, too.

This version of Gatsby seems to divide people – some enjoy it, some don’t, and there are several reasons to support both sides of this argument. I enjoyed it – not just because I’ve enjoyed Baz Luhrmann’s other films (the few I’ve seen, at least), but because I felt they captured the overall tone of the novel and presented the characters in the way the novel does. I’m sure many disagree with this sentiment, but I think that’s why I enjoyed the movie – it felt right, despite all of its bells and whistles. I thought they hit all of the key scenes from the novel perfectly, and that’s what the strength of The Great Gatsby story is.

Let’s dive in. Read the rest of this entry

Ted (movie review)

ted-movie-posterI remember when I used to like Family Guy… way back when it was staffed with writers trying to produce quality jokes rather than just trying to shock me. But, it’s impossible to talk about Ted without talking about Family Guy – particularly since they both have similar problems.

Seth Macfarlane is the voice of Ted, a teddy bear that comes to life after a friendless boy (Mark Wahlberg) makes a wish. Book-ended with narration by Patrick Stewart (which is funny, but kinda useless), we catch up with the pair of best friends all grown up – at least they’re over 30 now. Wahlberg’s girlfriend (Mila Kunis) is desperate for Wahlberg to move on with his life, get the promotion at work that’s his for the taking and move in with her and not waste hours upon hours smoking weed and getting into trouble with Ted. Hilarity and conflict ensues… sorta. Read the rest of this entry

Vegan at Animal Kingdom

animal-kingdom-logoI have a problem with Animal Kingdom in concept (which I’m sure I’ll address when I do my Things to Improve Animal Kingdom piece) as essentially, it’s a zoo, and I don’t care for zoos. On the other hand, I do like Thrill Rides, and as anyone whose been on it knows, Expedition Everest is a lot of fun, so I can’t bypass the park all together, and a brotha’s gotta eat. Let’s take a look at what a vegan can have at the Kingdom! Read the rest of this entry

This is the End (movie review)

this-is-the-endIf you were singing any of the lyrics from The Doors classic, “The End,” which simply begins, “This is the end,” the title of today’s film, you may want to center on one particular line, “Can you picture what will be?” If you haven’t seen this movie yet, you can try to imagine what imagery you’ll see in this flick, but don’t bother – just go see it.

This is the End features tons of laughs, a bang or two that made the audience jump and just a fun time at the movies over all. It’s raunchy, raw and in many ways, a by the numbers story from a premise I don’t think I’ve ever seen in any medium, but it’s truly a flick that is worth the price of admission..

This now ends the spoiler free portion of the review. I’ll give you the score now: This is the End receives an 8 out of 10 for reasons I won’t explain in the spoiler free review. Read on for additional discussion! Read the rest of this entry

Entertainment Weekly sure knows how to compare tv shows

And by that, I mean Entertainment Weekly has no idea how to compare tv shows.  Check this out:

entertainment.weekly.tv.shows

What the hell does American Horror Story have to do with Duck Dynasty?  Or The Big Bang Theory have to do with Elementary?  That’s four separate genres in just two comparisons!

That is week, EW – go back to you fluff movie previews.

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