Jumper movie reivew
I always imagine these multi million dollar movie decisions playing out in boardroom meeting scenarios:
Hey, we’re going to start this new action-fantasy franchise!
Great, what’s it called?
As in a sweater?
No, as in a person who can teleport – or jump – from one place to the next!
That sounds really exciting!
So who should we get to headline this new franchise?
Definitely Hayden Christensen!
Obviously! The last time he headlined a franchise, it worked out so well!
So yeah, that’s what we’re dealing with here: Hayden Christensen starring in a movie that’s clearly supposed to be the first in a series of Jumper pics, but despite a strong showing at the box office, it’s been five years and still no Jumper 2: Double Dutch or whatever the sequel was going to be called. It’s just as well – the flick is nothing special.
Christensen stars (Max Thieriot gets screen time as Christensen’s 15 year old counter park) along with co stars Rachel Bilson (who?), Samuel L. Jackson (what’s wrong with your head?), Jamie Bell (holy shizzle, it’s Billy Elliot!), Diane Lane (cast because I guess she was going to be in the sequel…) and Kristen Stewart for about 30 seconds (I guess because she was going to be in sequel… and there aren’t enough people with open months in this movie), and it’s not as if anyone is bad in this (although again, Stewart is barely in it) and the movie isn’t boring…
It’s just… I dunno. You can watch it. It’s not boring. That’s about it. It has ‘watchability,’ as we say around here. It’s the Coors Light of movies. There’s some interesting ideas at play here, but there’s too many cliches: the mean kid at school, the sex scene, the dad (What the hell happened to the dad, anyway? Did he die? Never saw him again… And what would Jackson and his goons kill him?), the police, the bar fight… it’s just a big ol ball of cliches.
And then there’s the the jumping. I insist on calling Christensen’s character Jumper as I just can’t remember his character’s name – and the mean kid at school kept calling him Rice Cake or something like that, so maybe his last name was Rice…Anyway, how did Jumper know how to jump to the hospital? In the rules of the movie, you have to know what the place looks like to jump there, hence all of the pictures. See, they’d look at the pictures and they’d jump to that place. But when it’s time to jump to the hospital, he just jumps there. I guess you can have things memorized, but Jumper hadn’t lived there in 8 years… or maybe it was his a hospital somewhere else… I dunno. What I’m saying is, sometimes they made a big deal of using the pictures to jump, and other times, they didn’t use pictures at all. Not sure what the difference was… Or why they didn’t keep the pictures in a binder they could take with them instead of hanging them all over the walls… seems kinda careless that way.
There’s not much you can say in the way of positive criticism in reference to Jumper. The movie doesn’t have any amazing performances, action sequences, special effects, compelling story or anything like that.. it just exists, and the flick won’t bore you to tears while you’re watching it.
Check out Jumper if you must. I give it a 6 out of 10.