Couples Retreat [movie review]

couples_retreatFor the love of all that is decent and pure on this earth, SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING FUNNY!!!

Or, to put it succinctly, this movie sucks.

The plot to Couples Retreat moves along well enough despite the fact that it’s not especially interesting and you don’t care about any of the characters.  Rather than give this movie a proper review, I’ll just point out three primary points of interest that caught my attention and/or annoyed me.
“Kristen Bell will play the part.  If…”
I’ve only seen Kristen Bell in two movies:  this and Forgetting Sarah Marshal and let me just say that not only do I think she’s brilliant (all the people in the house that love Party Down say “Hey!”), but obviously, she’s strikingly beautiful, and I’m not the sort of guy that fawns over blonds just because she’s blond – Bell is the real deal.  She looks like she’s carved out of marble by a master sculptor.  But I get the feeling that if she is feeling any trepidation about appearing in a movie, she will attach a rider to her contact that goes as follows, because both of these movies have the following in spades:
1.  takes place in a tropical island location; 2.  includes a Yoga scene; 3.  shows off her fabulous looks in beach ware; 4.  includes a multi couple dinner scene

Out of shape men, meet your beautiful, toned wives
I mean, come on.  These dudes are gargoyles and they’re all paired with top shelf honnies.  True enough, the ladies get to look at the Yoga instructor later in the film, but still.

4 Acts of Product Placement (one so present it’s a plot point)
It’s not a Happy Madison production, but this movie lays the product placement on very thick.  I have to admire that they didn’t bother letting the lack of physical products in the movie inhibit their ability to get paid.
1.  Guitar Hero
Vince Vaughn sells Guitar Hero?  What, does he work at effing Game Stop or something?  But… yeah.  Bottom line, there is a bizarre scene in this movie where the protagonist hustles a game of Guitar Hero in exchange for vague directions.  The movie can not proceed without this scene – Guitar Hero is that integral to the plot.
2.  Applebees
This movie wins the award for the most mentions of Applebees anyone has ever uttered EVER.  Applebees board members don’t say “Applebees” as much as this movie does.
3.  Sandals
“Sandals rocks.”  Yes, we heard you mention Sandals several times.  Not quite as frequent as Applebees, but we got it.
4.  Budweiser
The well positioned box of Budweiser illustrated that even in the fabulous beauty of nature, perfection can be improved upon with a Bud.

Meh.  This movie is a poor excuse for a comedy.  Look for laughs elsewhere.  I give Couples Retreat a 5 out of 10.

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About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of, and editor in chief of

Posted on February 26, 2013, in movie review and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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