Fake Words of Wisdom for Teenagers

In part, the following rant is my fault as per my own inability to read the title of the following piece, which is “Words for Teenagers” and not “Words of Wisdom for Teenagers,” and again, that’s my fault for not being able to read.  However, I do believe that the following is titled “Words for Teenagers” because they didn’t have enough room to print “Words of Wisdom for Teenagers” in the newspaper.


Let’s get into this hot mess…“build a raft”
Uhm, why?  Why the hell should kids build a raft?  That is a weird after school activity suggestion if I ever heard one.

“Your town does not owe you recreational facilities”I tend to disagree.  If your town does not provide, at the very least, one public basketball court that can at least be used during seasonable weather, your town is fucked.  Parents, it’s time to move out of that town.

“and your parents do not owe you fun.”
I suppose that’s true.  However, I think the closest I can recall to asking my mom to provide ‘fun’ was when I’d asked her for money to go to the movies with my friends when I’d run out of snow shoveling money before I got my first real job.

“You owe [the world] your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in sickness or lonely again.”
Wow.  So I guess this nameless judge is all for putting a little pressure on the kids.  Here’s your checklist:

  1. stop all current wars
  2. prevent all future wars
  3. cure everyone that is or will be sick
  4. hang out with anyone who is lonely OR help them obtain the social skills to alleviate loneliness

Sounds easy.

“In other words, grow up, stop being a cry baby, get out of your dream world and develop a backbone not a wishbone.”
Yeah kids, seriously.  Have you cured cancer yet?  You haven’t?!?  Well then, no desert for you tonight!

“Start behaving like a responsible person.”
The best thing about being a teenager is the total lack of responsibility.  It was awesome.  It is the only thing about being a teenager I miss.  Fuck the mortgage!

At least “Someday is now and that somebody is you!” is inspirational.  Sheesh!  I hope this is the speech they give to… actually, I hope they don’t give any teenagers this speech, because you’ve lost them as soon as you get to the “build a raft” part.

Look, I’m not for codling anybody, and I’ve written before that I don’t think we’re doing an especially good job raising the nation’s youth, but let’s not turn all of the kids into Cosette from Les Mis – instead, let them have some fun.  (Notice the use of the word ‘some.’)  We don’t need to spoil them rotten, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to tell the kids they need to go home after school and clean the house for three hours every day so they keep out of trouble.  Give ’em an empty lot, throw ’em a kickball and tell them to knock themselves out.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on January 24, 2013, in observations and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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