Taco Bell retires their Mexican Rice, continues to print dumb shit on their sauce packets

A while back, you may recall that I was sad after Taco Bell discontinued their Fire Roasted sauce.  It was my favorite of their condiments and a real loss for the people of earth in general.  I still have their Hot sauce, so that’s something, but life will never be the same.  Now, in an effort to make each day even more unbearable than the one before it, the folks who encourage us to run for the border have discontinued their Spanish Rice and have left us this pathetic Caucasian substitute.


It’s like buying “When a Man Loves a Woman” when you meant to get “Beat it.”

This new cilantro white rice is some boring ass shit.  I know I sound like a ranting old man who rejects change, but fuck that stupid cilantro rice!  I don’t want it!  They can take this new product and shove it up their Border Bowl!

And, just to rub Cinnamon Twists in the wound, they are still printing dumb shit on the sauce packets.  CreativeJamie.com contributor Nurse Becky asked me, “Do yours down there say stupid shit too??” and I must let you know that, yes, double fuckness yes, they most certainly do – both Canada AND the United States must deal with this nonsense.  The photo she provided is a fine example.


Bike tires scare you? I… sorry, I don’t know how to respond to that. If we’re doing non sequiturs, then let me ask you: are you afraid of Captain America but loved The Avengers movie? Because I think my question makes as much sense as your statement.  Or more.  Let’s go with more.

Still, I can’t be too mad at Taco Bell.  They always let me substitute whatever it is they mean by “meat” for beans and they have locations all over the place, so they’ve saved my ass on multiple occasions.  We’re just having a spat right now, the Bell and me.  It’s not like I’m going to stop going there – I’m just going to curse under my breath a lot as I drive back home.

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About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on December 19, 2012, in observations, vegan stuff and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. You should start an online petition to get the good rice back.

  2. I will sign that shit twice dude. That rice is fucking wack. And the old rice was dope when you added it to tacos

    • Exactly – adding the taco Bell Mexican rice to their other products was the shiz and the new rice is all kinds of awful – when will that lady with the knife from the taco Bell commercial get it together?

  3. i couldnt agree more exactly, like precisely, than you, on every statement from the rice, to the substitute / beans commentary, to im still going to go but curse them for these newfound wrongdoings, and those bilingual sauce packs are awesome, sarcastically awesome in every way… i couldnt have found a more exact match to my opinion of the TB situation of late

  4. Petition to bring back the Mexican rice is here:

    Sign and SHARE, SPREAD the word!!!

  5. I had no idea they’d changed their rice until a few nights ago. I have to say you are spot on. The new rice sucks. The original rice was better than the new, but even the old rice was no longer as good as it was when first introduced. It had flavor. It had little bits of meat in it. It had green onions sprinkled on top. But as most places do, once they’d gotten people used to ordering rice there, they started changing it up little by little so they could save some money. The old rice had gotten to be pretty boring to me, but not as boring as this new crap they’ve introduced.

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