11 movies starring Kevin James that are the opposite of good
There are few comedians I have more disdain for than Kevin James. (Well, Adam Sandler – I can’t abide any more of that guy.) From his family friendly Al Bundy on King of Queens (“I played high school baseball!”) to his current reign of terror at theaters, Kevin James is a miserable performer in miserable stories, often using his more than ample sized ass to be the butt of the joke. After reviewing his filmography, you have to wonder why Hollywood keeps letting him make movies (much to Hollywood’s credit, they did get a handle on Rob Schneider and have done a good job at keeping him from Bigalowing since 2005), but a quick look at the list will… well, only complicate matters. Let’s dive in…
As you can see from this list of eleven films, Kevin James specializes in making RottenTomatoes.com sad. Only Hitch and Monster House are certified fresh, and to be fair, Hitch is really a Will Smith movie rather than a Kevin James movie and my understanding is that James is barely in Monster House. The rest is just a bunch of crap, each film just as unappetizing as it sounds. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry isn’t just offensive to gays, it’s really just offensive to everybody on earth because it’s a vile piece of crap. The very notion of pretending to be gay just reinforces the false premise that to be gay is a choice and that if gay marriage becomes the law on the land, heterosexuals will use the legislation to game the system. That is FUCKED UP.
If you make it passed the opening scene of Paul Blart: Mall Cop, you deserve a medal. They were really on the cutting edge there with the Segway humor in 2009. And so on.
So if his movies are so awful, why do people keep giving Kevin James money and putting him in movies? The answer is right there in the last column of the list: box office. As of this writing, Hotel Transylvania and Here Comes the Boom are still in theaters, so those totals aren’t complete, but frankly, the dude makes money, so Hollywood keeps going back to the well. Yeah, his movies make money… although The Dilemma cost $70 million for some reason (it’s a situation comedy that was filmed in Chicago… it probably cost so much because Ron Howard, Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Jennifer Connelly and Winona Ryder all get huge fees) and it barely broke even after the international box office numbers were tallied. (The numbers of the table are US box office only.)
And then there is the most compelling piece of evidence as brought to you by Red Letter Media:
Anyway, Kevin James is awful. Here Comes the Boom is what they should call it every time you see a commercial for his next movie because it accurately describes the aneurism you may or may not be having at the time.
I’m sure Grown Ups 2 will be just as spectacular as the first one.