Trouble with the Curve movie review

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My Score: 7/10

Trouble with the Curve is about as subtle as a 100 mph fastball hitting you in the DICK.  Yeah, that’s my blurb for this flick – they should totally put that on the box when this movie goes to DVD and Blu Ray.

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Alternatively, they could go with “The first movie Clint Eastwood has starred in that he also didn’t direct since 1993.”

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Not as catchy, but serviceable.

It’s not as though Trouble with the Curve necessarily does anything wrong, it’s just that it telegraphs every damn character and plot point by a mile.  The movie also can’t seem to decide if Clint Eastwood or Amy Adams is the star – they have great chemistry, but their stories don’t really work together.  Sure, they have issues they need to work out together, but they each also have their own plot lines that intersect the way a car intersects with another car when one car makes a left and the other car doesn’t notice the first car is there in the first place.

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Speaking of cars…

Fortunately, Clint Eastwood doesn’t have a love interest in this movie, but instead, reprises his grumpy old man routine from Gran Torino and leaves such doings to Amy Adams.  This is where the telegraphing begins:  at the beginning of the movie, Adams is dating some jerk off guy.  If you think she’s going to end up with that guy at the end of the movie, then you need to stop reading this and finish your comprehension homework – later, he gives her an ultimatum concerning the forwarding of their relationship (just like in the movies!  well, like in the bad movies.  oh, also, he’s working out while he does it.  classic douchey first boyfriend move!) and when she doesn’t answer the way he wants, he dumps her.  Also, Justin Timberlake is in this movie – and he thinks Adams is hot.  So… you think she’s going to end up with him?  Err, yeah, maybe.

The bad guys are unfathomably bad.  They’re practically doing the maniacal laugh from The Muppets.  They even make cracks about Eastwood’s character not using a computer to look up baseball stats as if this movie takes place in 2002.  (Please note:  if you are still helping someone use a computer, remind them that PCs are like 30 years old, have been affordable for about 20 years and have been fucking everywhere for about 10 years.  Not knowing how to use a PC is not cute anymore.  Learn that shit and leave everyone who already knows how the fuck alone.)

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“I’m the antagonist!”

Yeah, I know – you keep saying ridiculous things about the protagonist, are plotting his downfall like you’re fucking Skeletor or Gargamel and can’t seem to stop snickering.  I don’t blame Matthew Lillard – it’d take a supreme talent to do something believable with the role as written and Lillard either isn’t up to the challenge or nobody involved in the film wanted it that way, which makes sense, given that the character loses his job at the end of the flick for saying something super dickish.  It goes something like this:

JOHN GOODMAN
Hey, remember when Clint Eastwood told us to spend X amount of money on whatever?  It worked!  The player is better now.

MATTHEW LILLARD, ANTAGONIST
Yeah, but what I want to know is, how much did that cost this organization?  Because, you know, even at this point in the film, I still need to poke holes in everything Clint Eastwood does.

ROBERT PATRICK
Matthew, you’re fired.

MATTHEW LILLARD, ANTAGONIST
Wait, you can’t fire me!  I know I was wrong about whatever in the previous scene, but I’ve got kids!  I just bought a boat!

His protest concerning his firing literally includes “I just bought a boat!”

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“That is LITERALLY the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

See, Lillard’s character favored signing this character (who I believe was named Bubba Redneck and hits for average and power) to their baseball team, but Clint Eastwood didn’t want to sign Bubba because he’s got trouble with the curve.  We know this because at the end of the movie, we see that he can’t hit a big league curve ball and because Clint Eastwood pretty much looks into the camera and says, “That’s what we call trouble with the curve,” and everyone in the audience groans audibly.

Oh, and measuring the worth of a high school position player with statistics is the dumbest shit ever.  I mean, sure, it’s fine to say that one kid gets more hits than another kid, but in American high school baseball, they use aluminum bats, which Eastwood mentions in passing but doesn’t explain with the emphasis it deserves.  A wooden bat has a ‘sweet spot,’ a spot where if the bat and ball connects, good things can happen.  On an aluminum bat… well, as someone who sucks at hitting baseballs, let me tell you, most of the barrel of the bat is the sweet spot.  The ball just explodes off an aluminum bat in a way that just does not happen when you use a wooden bat.  I guess this isn’t the sort of discourse that is sexy enough to be in a movie, but that’s the truth, and this movie does a shitty job of explaining that.

I could go on, but it’s not worth it.  If you love baseball, check this movie out.  If you could give two shits, you might want to pass this one up.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on October 3, 2012, in movie review and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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