Mitt Romney, budding standup comedian
Who would have guessed that Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney would be so hilarious? The dude is straight up funny, and that’s no lie. Here are some of his funniest lines from the campaign trail.
“No one’s ever asked to see my birth certificate. They know that this is the place where both of us were born and raised.”
Ha, that is genius! Ha, because, ha (Jesus Christ, I’m crying over here!), people like to pretend that President Obama wasn’t born in the United States! (Even this guy thinks Obama was born in… I don’t know, not in the USA.) Ah, the birthers! I’ve really missed them…
“My dad, as you probably know, was the governor of Michigan and was the head of a car company. But he was born in Mexico … and uh, had he been born of uh, Mexican parents, I’d have a better shot at winning this. But he was unfortunately born to Americans living in Mexico. He lived there for a number of years. I mean, I say that jokingly, but it would be helpful to be Latino.”
HA! That’s too funny! Ow, my sides! My sides are literally splitting!
If you’re a regular reader of the site, you know how thrilled I was about Romney’s 47% comment, and this jocular gem comes from the same fund raiser dinner. (That thing is the gift that keeps on giving!) But yes, hilarious! If Romney himself was Hispanic, he’d do better with Hispanic voters! Well, probably. But then, he’d probably tell them all to get a job and stop being 47%ers, to which the man he was talking to would reply, “But Mr. Romney, I work for you. I’m cutting your lawn right now.”
“I saw my father march with Martin Luther King.”
Ha, just kidding! While Romney’s father and Dr. King did do some marching, they didn’t do it together… or on the same day… or in the same city. HILARIOUS! Now Romney isn’t lying when he says he ‘saw’ it, he just means he ‘saw’ it in the fake, hilarious way.
“I’m happy to learn that after I speak you’re going to hear from Ann Coulter. That’s a good thing. I think it’s important to get the views of moderates.”
Just watch the first 25 seconds or so. Very moderate.
“PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air.”
See, comedians make this mistake all the time. They’re right out there on the edge, they’re saying funny stuff, and then, boom! They say the N word, or that they want a member of their audience to get raped. This is the same kind of thing, at least in politics. If you think your dog belongs in a cage strapped to the roof of your car while driving from Boston to Canada and you think that the best way to reconcile this with the animal rights folks is to say that they’re “not happy that my dog likes fresh air,” you’re an idiot. Now man up and apologize!
Oh right, I forgot.