See, this is why I don’t read ‘ultimate’ comics

For those of you with lives, please be advised that Marvel Comics are divided into two universes:  regular and ULTIMATE!  (Kinda wish ‘ultimate’ was ‘extreme’ so they could introduce new characters:  two teenage twins, one called ‘ Mountain’ and the other called ‘Dew.’)  The Ultimate universe is… well, for lack of a better word, dumb.  To be fair, it started off fun:  a re-imagining of the Avengers in a modern setting.  Then, slowly but surely, it got stupider and stupider, like me as I drink my brain cells to death and keep giving myself concussions from face palming over stuff like this, the most recent chapter in in a novel of blunders.  [spoiler after the jump]

captain-picard-face-palm-star-trek-tng

Like this.


Anyway, in an effort to make the Ultimate Marvel Universe even dumber than it already is, Captain America is now president.

the-ultimates-issue-16-2012-cap-president

And, you know… looking up at… something. Or maybe he’s just stretching his neck.

Anyway, this is dumb and yet another reason why I’m glad I don’t read ultimate comics… and kind of sorry I read any comics in general.

Oh, and you know who else knows this is a dumb idea?  Marvel Comics.  Because they’ve already thought this concept through.  See, back in 1980, they brought us Captain America, issue #250 of Volume 1.  The issue was titled, “Cap for President!”  Guess what happens in that issue?

OK, you’ll never guess so I’ll just tell you.  This dude wants Cap to run for president, which he initially declines but finally says he’ll consider when the guy won’t leave him alone.  Anyway, the next day, the papers are all saying he’s going to run despite the fact that he never said he would.  Finally at the end of the issue, Cap calls a press conference and, in the typical eloquent Captain America speech making fashion that was his trade mark for decades (but not so much now), Cap explains that his duty as Cap is to uphold the American Dream, not preserve the American Reality, which is what a president does.  So Cap is like, “I’m not running for president – that would be contrary to everything I stand for…  and also stupid, because seriously, I’m just some jacked guy who runs around in a red, white and blue chain mail shirt and whacks people with an over sized hubcap when they break the law…  so, you know, not presidential material.”

So Ultimately, this is really stupid.  HA!  You see what I did there?  Ya see?

That joke is just as dumb as this issue.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on September 20, 2012, in comic book reviews and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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